


The Romantic Part

by cinemariel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Behold! Rey's erotica shelf, F/M, Finn and Poe name their daughter Amilyn because Poe lost a bet, Friends With Kids AU, Friends to Lovers, Friends to Parents to Lovers, Gratuitous Banter, Oblivious Ben Solo, Oblivious Mutual Pining, Pregnancy, Reylo Prompts Made Me Do It, Sex Dreams, Slow Burn, alien sex I guess?, as he should be, behold everyone's group texts, ben solo is very proud of his dick, explicit dumbassery, far too many jokes, jane eyre spoilers, lots of talk about the new CATS?, role play, to Amilyn, working in the force bond do a modern AU? more likely than you think!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2020-10-27 03:17:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20753465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinemariel/pseuds/cinemariel
Summary: Reylo Prompts: “Rey wants to have a baby, so she asks Ben to be the donor. Despite never having wanted children before, he agrees. The arrangement is set up to be done in a doctor’s office, but while drunk one night, Rey asks if they can do it the old-fashioned way.”I saw this and obviously thought of the 2011 Classic Film "Friends With Kids", a movie it often feels like only I have seen.Rey and Ben, surrounded by friends who have kids, both feel their biological clocks ticking but haven't found the right person to settle down with. The make the natural decision: platonically have a child with each other, split custody, and then go out into the dating world with their need to procreate fulfilled. But it turns out their plan has a few wrinkles that need ironing out.





	1. "I can do nine months"

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I know I already have two WIPs but... I couldn't resist this prompt. Hopefully, if you're reading this, you'll enjoy this very Rom Com-y premise! Also, this is my first time filling a reylo prompt so... if i tagged something wrong please forgive me/let me know and I'll fix it! 
> 
> Both Ben and Rey are going to make some silly choices and say some misguided things about parenthood and marriage but, trust me, they'll be set straight by the end of this thing. Enjoy!

“Amma, where is Daddy’s tie?” Poe cooed at the pudgy eighteen month old strapped to his chest. 

“You’re wearing a tie right now,” Ben pointed out. “You wore it all day at the office. Problem solved.” 

“Not that tie,” Poe turned to him dropping the baby voice. 

“Well, then I can’t help you,” Ben poured two drinks at the bar. He helped himself to the good stuff, figuring that since he bought this bottle for Poe for Christmas it was okay to sample it a bit. 

“I can’t drink,” Poe told him, absentmindedly fiddling with his daughter’s admittedly adorable little toes. “Ever since having the baby I can handle like… one beer with dinner and fifty percent of the time I end up passing out in the cab after I drink it.” 

“It’s not for you.” 

The intercom buzzed. 

“It’s me,” Rey voice groaned out of the speaker. “Please tell me you guys still have booze in the apartment.” 

“Right,” Poe nodded. “I forgot about your weird telepathy.” 

“Already handled,” Ben told her, hitting the button to buzz her up into the building. 

“Amilyn Storm Dameron,” Poe addressed his daughter in the unhinged sing song voice Ben knew meant he was extremely sleep deprived. “Where in God’s fucking name is the tie your Daddy gave me? The one he says I never wear? The one I wanted to wear tonight to avoid another passive aggressive argument?” 

“Jesus,” Ben snorted. “Is it really that bad?” 

“Not that you ever will but… don’t have kids,” Poe carefully unclipped Amma from his chest and held him out to Ben. “I love Finn and I love Amma. But I’m hanging on by a thread, here. I barely sleep. I’m constantly freaked out she’s going to swallow… _everything._ And Finn and I haven’t had sex in like a month.” 

“Okay, fuck you,” Ben took Amma from Poe, scooping her up in his arms. “I will be a great dad.” 

“You’re right,” Poe started tearing through his dresser. “If the condom breaks next time you bang a Republican girl, I know you’ll do the right thing and step up.” 

“Ouch,” Ben rocked Amma in his arms enjoying the way her eyes lazily mapped his face. Maybe “Dad” wasn’t the first word you’d associate with Ben—even if he had been called “daddy” more than once—but that didn’t mean he was uninterested in fatherhood. It was definitely something he wanted. He was just waiting for the right time and the right girl. 

“Sorry,” Poe stopped what he was doing and shot Ben a mournful look. “Parenthood has made me mean to anyone who’s not my kid. I’m pleading temporary insanity. Please continue to go out there and have sex with as many women as possible. Seriously, I live through you. Minus the not also sleeping with dudes part.” 

“Who’s sleeping with dudes?” Rey asked as she barged in, her eyes zeroing in on the drink Ben poured for her. 

“None of us,” Ben grinned at her, setting Amma down in her play chair. 

Rey gave him the finger as she demolished her drink in one gulp. Ben loved to tease her about her lack of a sex life almost as much as she liked to tease him for being incapable of seeing a woman longer than two weeks. 

“You’re lucky you’re the birthday boy,” Rey grumbled, clomping over to him in the heels she was forced to wear at work and giving him a peck on the cheek. 

“Hey, Doll,” he murmured wrapping his arms around her waist. “Bad day at work?” 

“I’m gonna kill my boss,” Rey pouted, resting her head on his shoulder. “Seriously, I have all of his credit card info, passwords, social security number. If I murdered him, chopped him up, and hid him in his freezer I could totally steal his identity and I doubt anyone would notice.” 

“It’s a good plan,” Ben gave her a squeeze before releasing her. “You just need a fall guy. Someone with motive…” 

“Holy fucking shit, I found it,” Poe clutched a green tie in his fist, which he thrust up in the air in victory. 

“Jesus, do you kiss my brother with that mouth?” Rey quipped, beaming at the opportunity to re-use her favorite joke. 

“Hardy har har har,” Poe snarked, discarding his work tie and pulling this new one around his neck. 

“That tie has stain on it,” Rey pointed out. 

_“Motherfucker.”_

*** 

The dinner was a complete and utter disaster. Despite the fact that all their friends had managed to get sitters on the same night, a feat that had not occurred in at least three months, no one could really leave their kids behind. 

Armitage had fallen asleep in his soup because Grant had kept them up all night. Kaydel had to leave to pump twenty minutes into the dinner and was gone for half an hour. Rose had spent half the time playing peekaboo with a baby at a nearby table. 

Add Finn and Poe’s bickering about Poe’s tie to the list and Rey and Ben’s friends had become impossible to be around. 

“They’re mean,” Rey told Ben at the bar afterwards. “When did our friends get so mean?” 

“You know exactly when,” Ben told her. “But kids don’t make you mean,” she whined. “Kids are happy. Everyone wants to see them and they’re cute and sweet and full of wonder.” 

“I mean, yeah,” Ben conceded. “Kids are great. Our friends have awesome kids. And they’re good parents. But none of them are sleeping and I’m willing to bet none of them are fucking either. That’ll make you mean. I mean it would make me mean, not all of us can remain celibate like you.” 

Rey punched Ben in the shoulder a little harder than was necessary. 

“I have a bumble date this weekend, actually,” Rey growled at him. So what if she hadn’t had sex in a few months… or six. 

“So, if you get through that and seven more maybe you’ll get an orgasm out of that,” Ben waggled his eyebrows at her. 

“Maybe I’m looking for more than an orgasm,” she challenged. She loved Ben, but he was kind of pig when it came to women. He compartmentalized that part of his life. He’d find someone he desperately wanted to sleep with and once the chase was up, he’d get bored and move on. 

Ben ran his hand through his hair, avoiding her gaze. His brow furrowed as he looked down at his half finished beer. 

“Spill,” she poked him in the ribs, knowing that silence like this from Ben was never good. 

“Do you think I’d be a good dad?” he asked quietly. 

That was not what she had expected him to say. 

“Fuck it,” he wiped his hand down his face. “Never mind.” 

Vulnerability was tough for Ben. As a kid, this had meant he was quick to temper tantrums. As a teen, it meant his wealthy parents had had to pay his way out of trouble more than once. As an adult man, it meant he had to go to therapy every week. Or else. Rey could tell the answer to this question mattered to him. 

But that didn’t mean she’d just tell him what he wanted to hear. That was never how it was between the two of them. They were honest with each other, always. 

“Would you wait a _second_,” Rey admonished him. “It’s a rather weighty question and I want to give you a real answer.” 

She thought about the time they had babysat Amilyn last month. Named so because Poe lost a bet to the boss he was always trying to one up. Ben was so great with her, so gentle. Rey had a thousand pictures of her looking tiny in his huge hands. He had endless patience for her. He seemed to think everything she did was fascinating. 

She thought about Ben teaching her how to drive over the course of several months because, as a native New Yorker, Rey had never had to learn. When Rey had failed parallel parking for the fourth time that day and started to cry, Ben had wiped the tears off her face and leapt out of the car to side coach her. He was a really good guy and he took care of the people he kept in his corner. She knew that better than anyone. 

She pictured him with a little girl with his dark hair and a boy with his huge ears and it made her heart lighter. Ben would be the kind of dad who could never say no to a piggyback ride, who would always listen to their stories, someone who kept them safe. 

“Okay,” Ben drummed his fingers on the bar top, impatiently. “Getting old, here.” 

“I think you’d be a good Dad,” she assured him. “You’re patient—with the people you care about—you’re smart, kind, and you’re a protector. It’s umm, a nice picture. Thinking of you with a kid.” 

Ben grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. She looked down at her tiny hand in his huge one and something about it made her feel warm. 

“Thanks, Doll,” he murmured. 

“All you need is a woman you can stand for at least nine months to pop that baby out and you’ll be all set.” 

“I can do nine months,” he shrugged. 

“You can’t, but ok,” Rey laughed. 

“I mean, you want kids, right?” Ben turned on his bar stool to face her. 

“Yeah, but with my work schedule… the likelihood of me meeting The Guy is like nil.” 

“What about after you’re promoted?” 

_“If_ Plutt promotes me and doesn’t just torture me for the rest of his life,” she turns to face him, letting her knees knock into his. “It’ll take, what? Three years. Then let’s say two years to meet the guy, three to date him and then I’m already in my mid thirties.” 

“Meaning you’ll have a geriatric pregnancy,” Ben quipped. 

“A what?” Rey asked, mouth agape. 

“Pregnancy when you’re over 35 is called a geriatric pregnancy. I dated an OBGYN last month.” 

“Christ,” Rey put her head in her hands. “Being a woman suuuuuuuucks.” 

“So basically,” Ben patted her back. “You get like four years of nice with your guy and then eighteen years of stress, misery, and celibacy if our friends are any indication. Sounds fun.” 

“You know what Kaydel said to me the other day?” Rey looked up at him, her mascara smudged from rubbing at her eyes. “Gwen was the most important person in her life until they had Grant. And now it’s him. That’s the big adjustment. How do you find the person in your life that’s the most important… and then agree you’ll both love someone else more?” 

“Happy Birthday to me,” Ben groaned, draining his beer. 

*** 

Ben grabbed Rey by the shoulder to keep her steady on the subway. After a few drinks and a long day of work she got really dangerous on her heels. 

“Want me to carry you?” 

“Nah, I’m ok,” she leaned her head on his shoulder. “I really want a kid someday. Our talk kind of freaked me out.” 

“You’ll have one,” he promised, kissing the crown of her head and breathing in the smell of her shampoo. “I’m not worried.” 

“What about the guy?” 

“Well…” 

“If I wasn’t relying on your giant frame to stay upright I would shove you, Solo.” 


	2. The Old Fashioned Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey continue to discuss Ben's theory...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like BANTER! This is a pretty wild idea and I wanted to give them the time to at least kind of justify it. Plus, I like writing jokes. Hope you enjoy!

On Saturday morning, Rey awoke to the sound of Ben clomping into her living room with bagels. They lived in the same building—Ben had recommended her to his co-op board and she lived in a smaller one bedroom on the fourth floor while he was in a luxurious two bedroom loft on twelve. They have keys for each other and tend to let themselves in without asking. But usually they text.

Rey reached clumsily for her phone on her nightstand and knocked it to the ground, making about as much noise as if she’d shot off a gun.

“If you’re checking if I texted Sleeping Beauty, I did!” Ben called out brightly from the living room. Fucking morning people.

“How do you know I don’t have a guy in here?” she called back, pushing herself off her empty bed and pulling on a sweatshirt to spare Ben from seeing her nipples poking through her sleep shirt.

“If you have a guy in there, I’ll blow him as an apology.”

Rey snorted. She could hear him clattering around her kitchen and the thought of him in her tiny breakfast nook made him smile. Her apartment had always been too small for him. But they still spent equal amounts of time in each of their places. Ben didn’t insist they only hang out at his just because it was bigger and nicer and had admittedly better stuff. Which was nice. Rey liked being in her space. She didn’t have a home base for so long and now that she did… she liked being there. Ben got that without her having to explain it.

“Okay,” she walked out of her bedroom, not even bothering to brush her teeth. “He’s waiting for you.”

“Cut or uncut?” Ben asked conversationally.

“Go find out,” Rey called his bluff.

“Eh, he can come out here to meet me. Men like the chase.”

Rey rolled her eyes.

“Why are you here?” she asked.

“I brought bagels,” he shook a bag from their favorite place around the corner.

“Mmmmm,” she could feel her stomach rumbling already. “Rey like bagel.”

Ben laughed.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” he made Rey’s coffee first, like always. “About the kids thing.”

“Yeah?”

For Rey and Ben, most conversations were constantly in progress. “Remember that thing from last week?” or “I actually talked to Finn about the Gwenyth Paltrow thing and he had a take,” were very normal segues for them.

“Yeah,” he nodded, sliding her favorite mug across the table to her. “And I think what Phasma said is smart. The problem with having kids is it changes your relationship with your partner… you’re no longer getting what you signed up for. You’re getting a person that’s more tired and less devoted to you.”

“Okay,” Rey blew on her coffee to cool it off. “You’re making sense in a sociopathic kind of way.”

“Think about it,” Ben explained, taking a seat next to her at the table. “My parents were obsessed with each other. They’ve shown you their wedding video more than once so you’ve seen it… but then, their little bundle of joy comes along—that’s me by the way—and I fucked up their whole thing. Suddenly, they’re not carefree kids protesting and living in sin. They’re covered in baby food and baby shit and they’re sleep deprived and neither of them are getting what they signed up for.”

“But they got you,” Rey pointed out.

“And they love me,” Ben agreed. “But at the time… it wasn’t always easy. I was a huge strain on their marriage.”

“That wasn’t your fault, you know that,” Rey insisted, grabbing his hand.

“I know,” Ben assured her. “Thanks to my first year of therapy, I _know_ that. But… what if there had been a way to have me first, then meet each other.”

“Are you suggesting time travel?” Rey struggled to get Ben’s meaning.

“I’m suggesting a thought experiment,” Ben stretched out his hands in front of him, taking a move from Poe’s playbook when they pitched ads together. Usually Poe dazzled with the creative and Ben was just the numbers guy but Ben figured Poe’s job wasn’t that hard.

“Is this like your Taylor Swift is hot in the Cats Trailer theory?”

“She has never been hotter,” Ben completely lost whatever composure he’d gathered. “But you know we have reached a stalemate there and that’s not fair to bring up.”

“Fine,” Rey snatched her bagel out of her bag and took a bite. “Proceed.”

“I think you should have a baby first and find your soulmate second,” Ben spread his arms out, like he’d just told Rey about gravity or peeing after sex to prevent a UTI. “Want to hear the pitch?”

“You brought me food so it would be rude not to, right?”

“It would!” Ben clapped his hands together. “So, think about it. Divorced people. They have a kid, get all the toxic and horrifically unsexy stuff out of the way with their first spouse. Then they have a kid half the time. And it’s quality time! The other half of the time, they’re unencumbered. Free to do whatever they want and fuck whoever they want. It’s the perfect set up.”

“Again, there is a super villain-like logic about this that I understand to be appealing. Could you really be okay just… abandoning your kid half the time.”

“Would you tell a divorced dad he abandoned his kid?” Ben’s patient devil’s advocate tone never ceased to annoy her.

“No,” Rey conceded, feeling a knot in her stomach as this conversation moved forward. “But that guy at least tried to do it the old fashioned way.”

“Fuck the old fashioned way,” Ben shrugged. “What has it ever gotten anyone?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Rey felt a lump in her throat. As a rule she didn’t cry in front of people. She didn’t like to burden anyone with tears. Ben had seen her cry exactly one time and it is when they saw Toy Story 3 together. And she only let herself cry because he was crying already so it barely counted.

She didn’t feel like breaking her streak today. So she took a deep breath, looked up at the ceiling, and blinked back her tears and exhaled slowly… It was a method she perfected as a kid.

“Shit, Rey,” Ben flew out of his chair and was kneeling at Rey’s side immediately. “I’m so fucking sorry. You’re the most well adjusted person I’ve ever met in my life and for a second I forgot—I’m a thoughtless asshole, okay? I got tangled up in this idea and wanted to talk it out even though… fuck, I might as well have said _debate me, coward_ and about this—”

“Ben,” she cut him off. “Let’s talk about something else, okay?”

“Of course,” Ben backed off and returned to his chair. He looked at her, brow knitted his mouth a straight line, eyes searching her expression for a sign of how she was really feeling.

Rey gave him a small smile before tucking back into her bagel.

“Want to re-open the Taylor Swift debate? I have some links I could show you.”

Rey nearly choked on her food.

***

“Why do we do bootcamp?” Rey asked Rose, her heart still hammering from their workout.

“Because it’s next to the breakfast burrito place and we’re uncomfortable eating them without an excuse,” Rose reminded her while they waited in line for said burritos.

“Ahh, right. Good on us.”

Rose’s phone buzzed. She fumbled around for it in her purse.

“Ugh, Armie’s trying to sext me, give me a sec.”

Rey’s jaw dropped.

“Excuse me?” she asked, sure she had misheard.

“Yeah,” Rose shrugged. “With the kids we don’t really have the time or the energy to have sex together all the time so… sometimes when one of us is free and the other is like… semi free, we have it individually. Give me a sec to write some prose…”

Rey tried to peek at her friend’s phone and Rose swatted her away.

“I’ll get us a table, get me a number two with extra cheese,” she ordered. “I’m earning it.”

Ten minutes later Rey arrived at their table with two warm bundles of foil.

“You’ve never been hotter,” Rose told her, tearing open her burrito. “And I’m not just saying that because I got a little keyed up writing.”

“Thank you?”

“You’re not weirded out that I told you this, right?” Rose asked between bites.

“Maybe a little,” Rey admitted. “But it’s nice. I worry about you guys having time for each other. All of you, really. Ben’s birthday was kind of…”

“A shit show?” Rose finished. “Yeah. I know. And I’m sorry if I wasn’t focused. It’s just a big adjustment. But it won’t always been like this. It’ll get better and worse, you know?”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Rey plowed on, thinking about Ben and their conversation. “Do you feel like the twins took the romance out of your relationship with Hux?”

Rose chewed thoughtfully, mulling over Rey’s words.

“If I’m being a arse, please don’t answer me,” Rey blurted out.

Rose shook her head, working through a particularly big bite. Girl could eat. And after seeing her do box jumps, Rey got it.

“It’s not like the romance is gone,” Rose explained. “It’s just different. Like, when I first met Hux I found his accent devastatingly sexy. And the suits he wore. God. And those things are still amazing but… you get used to them. And now… I just get overwhelmed by how comfortable I am. At first, after the twins, I was freaked out about being covered in food and spit up. I thought he’d never want me again or that I’d never have the energy to want him. But then I looked over at him one night and saw Nadine wipe her nose on his shirt. And I just didn’t care. And I knew he didn’t care either.”

“Aww,” Rey let out involuntarily.

“Yeah, there’s no one I’d rather be covered in spit up with,” Rose finished. “Is that gross?”

“No, it’s really nice.”

“Why do you ask?”

***

“Rose is offended by your hypothesis,” Rey told him on the phone as she put on her makeup.

“Which hypothesis?” Ben asked.

“The kids thing,” she explained, painting on her foundation.

“Well of course she is,” Ben scoffed. “I’m sure train conductors were offended by the invention of the airplane.”

“Jesus,” Rey snorted. “You have a huge head. I mean that literally and figuratively.”

“You should see my dick.”

“I can’t believe I haven’t,” Rey shot back. “You brag enough about it.”

“Look, if your sexual partners had compared _your_ gentalia to a sex toy on more than one occasion, you’d brag too,” Ben insisted.

“Gross,” Rey wrinkled her nose. “Now, onto my theory.”

“Can’t wait,” Ben told her, his voice getting cocky. “But please know you’re talking to a debate champion. Full disclosure, I got kicked off the team for bringing a six pack of Smirnoff Ice on the trip to New Haven for Regionals. But my team did go on to win the championship and you can’t say I had nothing to do with that.”

“Ahhh Young Ben Solo,” Rey cooed, filling her eyebrows in. “If only I could have met you, grabbed you by the Fall Out Boy shirt, and told you it would all work out one day.”

“You would have run screaming at the sight of my infected eyebrow piercing.”

“Eh,” Rey shrugged. “With my luck, I would have fallen in love with you. If I’d seen you at a pop punk show I probably would have written about you in my diary for weeks.”

“Aww, lil Rey. Please tell me you still have that journal.”

“Anyway,” Rey pushed forward wincing at her possibly overdone eyeliner. “My theory. Kids are like any big life change. You become a different person after them. No wonder so many people break up after having kids. If I had met The Guy in college, there’s no way I would have been ready for him. And someone I loved _then_… I very well could find annoying or wrong for me now.”

“How is this different from what I said?” Ben asked.

“I phrased it less like a robot,” Rey answered, dusting blush on her cheeks. “Plus, if I had a kid now and I loved them and my life changed around them… I could meet the guy in my final evolution. Like a Pokemon.”

“Don’t they get like… meaner looking and uglier as they get older?”

“Well, pretend they don’t for the analogy to work,” Rey huffed.

“That’s not how analogies work, Doll.”

***

“Stop smirking.”

“I’m not smirking!” Rey yell whispered so she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping baby in her arms.

“This baby is sexist,” Ben whisper yelled right back at her. “I think two moms can raise a kid that is not sexist. But this is not one of those kids.”

“Grant has a male nanny he loves,” Rey informed him with a shit eating grin. “He just loves me and hates you. Sorry.”

Rey set him down gently in his bassinet. She didn’t want to admit it but her arms were getting tired from rocking him to bed. She could help but be proud of the fact that she got him to pass out. Her heart ached a little when his warmth left her. And not for the first time in the past few months, she wondered what it would be like to have a kid of her own.

“Baby crazies getting to you?” Ben asked, splaying out on the couch.

“Now _that’s_ sexist,” Rey pointed at him accusatorially.

“It isn’t,” Ben argued. “I played peekaboo with a toddler on the subway for a solid five minutes and almost teared up when he left. Our debate is taking its toll.”

“What would you tell people you dated?” Rey mused, taking a seat next to him.

“I’d tell them about my amazing new way of life that I invented,” Ben told her as if it was obvious.

“I think I’d tell him that I wanted a kid but wasn’t ready to settle down and couldn’t afford to do it on my own,” Rey offered. “But honestly, I’d try to put it off for as long as possible.”

“Yeah, it could get awkward,” Ben admitted. “But if they’re The Person—“

“It won’t matter,” Rey finished.

“It shouldn’t,” Ben agreed. “God, Grant is cute as hell. He’s my favorite.”

“You said that about Amma last week,” Rey elbowed him in the ribs.

“That’s because I’d just seen Amma,” shoved her playfully. “But now, Grant… he’s started walking and he’s really bad at it which is absurdly cute. It’s a game changer.”

Rey laid back on the couch and closed her eyes. She was pleasantly sleepy from their evening of childcare. She was glad Gwen and Kaydel’s sitter had canceled on them. This felt beyond nice.

“Why don’t we just do it?” Rey asked, not even thinking about the words coming out of her mouth, just warm and comfortable and lost in the moment.

“You and me?”

_Shit. Why did I say that?_ Rey could kick herself.

“I mean we love each other,” Rey shrugged, feeling more and more embarrassed by the second. “We’re responsible. We have good support systems. And I don’t have anyone in my life that isn’t already paired off that I trust as much as you.”

“Me neither,” Ben looked at her, mouth slightly agape.

Rey felt her cheeks heat up. This was stupid. This whole thing had been a theory. A thought experiment. Now she’d gone and made it real. And weird. What was she thinking?

“Should I not have said this?” Rey covered her mouth, wishing she could grab the words out of the air and shove them back inside her.

“Honestly,” Ben took in a breath. “I’m really glad you did.”


	3. A Different Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey get their friends on board and discuss the dreaded C word (conception, please get your mind out of the gutter).

“Okay, spit it out,” Hux ordered. “Is one of you dying or something?” 

“No one is dying,” Rey assured him, starting to warm up to Ben’s idea of just sending all their friends a long email detailing their plan rather than meeting each of them in person. 

They had been making weird and forced small talk with Hux and Rose in their gorgeous three bedroom apartment for about twenty minutes. It hadn’t started out stilted and awkward but Ben and Rey were struggling to broach the subject they came here to discuss. 

_“They’re not going to like it,” Ben took the food processor out of Rey’s hands and put it back on the shelf. “Just use mine.” _

_“Thanks,” she mumbled before adding. “And maybe we should give them a_ chance _to surprise us. Also, we’re platonically having a child so… good luck steering clear of awkward conversations forever.”_

“We’re having a kid,” Ben blurted out. 

“Oh my God,” Hux shouted at the same time Rose squealed, “You hooked up?” 

Rey glared at him, silently punishing him for his complete and utter lack of tact. She was used to apologizing for Ben’s behavior. He was prone to being overly blunt and he wasn’t great at hiding when he wasn’t in a good mood. Still, that didn’t mean it was a joy to do. 

“Guys,” Rose gushed, cupping her cheeks as she smiled wide. “We’ve always hoped you two would realize you’re perfect for each other.” 

“Darling,” Hux grabbed her knee in an attempt to silence her. Rose looked at him, confused. But as she watched the color drain from his face, her confusion turned to embarrassment of her own. 

“It’s not romantic,” Rey clarified, desperately trying to get things back on track. 

“We haven’t slept together,” Ben explained. “We aren’t going to sleep together. It’s going to be artificially… done. I’m gonna… jerk off in a cup and… well, you know.” 

“Right,” Hux offered. As the only other Brit in the room, Rey felt like he had just shoved a dagger into her heart. Right, _you lot are obviously crazy._ Right, _so naturally you decided to rope us into the agony of your terrible decision._ Right, _after tea you’re leaving so we can talk behind your back about how much of an imbecile you are._

“We thought it was best to tell you in person,” Rey tried to explain. “So that you could ask us any questions you might have.” 

“I wanted to email,” Ben interjected as if that absolved him of guilt in creating this deeply uncomfortable situation. 

Rey attempted to melt him with her gaze, not knowing how else to proceed. Let me handle this, he had bragged on the way over here. How had she—for even a second—thought Ben Solo could handle this conversation? 

“Are you sure about this?” Rose squeaked. 

*** 

**ROSE: FYI Ben and Rey are gonna drop a bomb on you during your visit today.**

**KAYDEL: Are they finally fucking? **

**HUX: You’d think that, wouldn’t you? **

*** 

“I know it’s going to sound crazy,” Rey took the lead this time, thankful for the mimosa Kaydel had thrust upon her the second she entered her and Gwen’s brownstone. “But Ben and I have decided to _platonically_ have a child together. The timing is right for both of us and we feel more ready to be parents than we do to settle down. And we’re already family so we think it’s the right move.” 

“You know you could just babysit our kid more often, right?” Phasma narrowed her eyes over her champagne flute. 

“That’s not—“ Rey sputtered, trying to figure out how to phrase this best. 

“We want to be parents,” Ben insisted. “There’s no one I trust more. How could I not want a kid that’s half Rey?” 

Rey couldn’t help but soften when she heard that. The way he looked at her was almost enough to make her regret whisper yelling at him on the subway after their disastrous attempt at telling Rose and Hux. 

*** 

**PHASMA: Poe, Ben and Rey are coming over to tell you something and you’re maybe going to need to restrain your husband. **

**POE: Wow, haven’t done that since our last anniversary. **

**POE: Sorry, couldn’t resist. **

**POE: Wait, please tell me. **

**POE: ARE THEY BONING? **

**POE: GWEN I WILL CALL YOUR WIFE. **

**PHASMA: unsubscribe **

*** 

“I just don’t understand why you would want to do this,” Finn held Rey’s hand in his. She’d joined him on the couch when Ben and Poe had scurried off to take care of Amma who had started screaming when the episode of Peppa Pig she was watching had ended. 

The conversation had gone poorly. It had devolved into a fight. Largely one between Finn and Rey. Rey knew Finn was just being protective. He was her brother. They’d grown up in foster care together so of course he had strong feelings on her starting a family. But she didn’t know it would be this hard. 

“I want a kid,” Rey told him, feeling a lump at the back of her throat. “I want to be a mum so bad… and I want to be in love, too. But I’m so scared that I won’t find someone I can trust. Someone I know won’t go away and leave us alone. So what do I do… wait until I can find the right guy and do it the old fashioned way? What if it’s too late and I can’t have a kid? Or what if I don’t love him like I did before once the baby is born and I resent it and—“ 

“Rey you could never do that,” Finn assured her, pulling her into his arms. “You wouldn’t leave your baby. You would never do what they did.” 

Finn and Rey didn’t talk about her parents. The ones who’d left her when she was young. The reason she ended up in foster care in a different country. This was the closest they’d gotten to bringing them up in years. 

“I know,” Rey blubbered into his chest, full on crying now. “But this way, the kid is the most important part. I have them first. I _love_ them first. I learn how to take care of them on my own. At least for half the time. There’s no part that can go missing. No one that can leave.” 

“Peanut,” Finn’s hand cradled the back of her skull and he began to rock her, gently like when they were kids. Rey usually held it together for him when they were younger. But about once a year or so it would all build up. All the times she put herself second, all the times she pushed something off of her because she didn’t have time to hurt _right now,_ they’d build up and a dam would burst inside her. And Finn would be there. 

“I’ve thought it through, Finn,” she took in a shaky breath. “I swear. Ben and I love each other and we’ll be good parents.” 

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Finn murmured into her hair. “I just don’t want you to miss out on what I have with Poe.” 

“I don’t want that either,” Rey pulled back so she could look at her brother. “I’m just doing it in a different order.” 

“Okay, Peanut,” Finn kissed her on the forehead. “I believe you.” 

“Can we come back in?” Poe’s muffled voice asked from Amma’s room. 

Rey laughed as Poe and Ben walked back into the room, looking like they got caught with their hands in the cookie jar. 

“Everything ok?” Ben only looked at Rey. 

“Yeah,” Rey nodded, meaning it. 

“If you fuck this up, I pick her,” Finn told Ben, only the slightest edge to his voice. 

Ben swallowed, uncertainty and fear flashing across his face. 

“Makes sense,” he finally said. “Kaydel and Phasma gave us booze… you’re not going to let them show you up, right?” 

*** 

**FINN: Please look out for Rey. She’s going to tell you stuff that she’s going to keep from me. She won’t want me to worry. I’m not asking you to tell me. I’m just asking you to be there for her in the ways I can’t. **

**ROSE: Of course. **

**ROSE: It’s going to be a cute kid. **

**FINN: Oh god, so fucking cute. **

*** 

“Shit, I have a date tonight,” Rey looked up from her phone in horror. “Ben, I’m supposed to be there in like thirty minutes and I cried all my makeup off.” 

“How did you forget you have a date?” Ben gaped at her. 

“Because it’s not really a date,” Rey explained, sitting down in an abandoned seat on the subway and rifling through her purse for some makeup. “It’s like a birthday drinks for a work friend. But a guy is supposed to be there who she says is perfect for me…” 

“Sounds promising,” Ben smirked. 

“Fuck you,” Rey didn’t even look up from her compact as she attempted to hide her under eye circles with a free sample of concealer she’d been given six months ago. 

“I mean it,” Ben insisted. “What if he’s The Guy? What if you fall in love at first sight and we don’t even have to do this?” 

Rey snuck a glimpse up at Ben, who managed to even look good in terrible fluorescent subway lighting. He was smiling at her but it didn’t reach his eyes. She knew he must be worried Rey was going to chicken out. 

“Are you going to stop dating because we’re doing this?” she asked him, uninterested in beating around the bush. 

This was another thing they did. Earlier on in their friendship, Rey would try to pull Ben’s bad moods out of him. Pestering him with “Are you okays?” which he would return with “I’m fines.” Until he blew up at a Starbucks employee for not having almond milk when he could have just _told Rey_ he didn’t feel like going out for coffee because he was pissed about a note a professor gave him on a term paper. Eventually, Rey learned to read Ben well enough that they could cut to the chase more often than not. 

“No,” Ben shrugged and gave her a sheepish smile. “I guess not. Not until it gets busy with the baby.” 

“Then I won’t either,” Rey stood back up, satisfied that she’d made at least a slight improvement on her face. “Until I’m showing. And then that’s probably going to keep the offers from rolling in. Not that they really are now, anyway. Ugh, why am I doing this.” 

“Because the guy is out there and you want to find him before your looks start to fade.” 

“I’m going to kill you,” Rey growled at him even though she was smiling in spite of herself.” 

“I guess,” Ben started, his voice still serious as he addressed his boots. “The thing that’s actually bothering me… is that you haven’t set a date for the insemination yet. It kinda, umm, makes it seem like you’re not all in on this.” 

“Ben,” Rey grabbed him by the shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me? The only reason I haven’t scheduled it is…” 

Rey braced herself for what she was about to say. She knew it wasn’t exactly easy to talk about and wouldn’t paint her in the best light. She’d been hoping to ask over a glass of wine, possibly the super good meatloaf she’d learned how to make in hopes that it would act as a slight bribe. 

“What?” Ben’s face was full of concern, which is exactly what Rey didn’t want. 

“My insurance doesn’t really cover it,” Rey explained. “It’s considered an elective procedure. Which is bullshit, I know. But out of pocket… it’s a lot of money.” 

“Shit,” Ben ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t even think of that.” 

“I know you didn’t, Richie Rich,” Rey rolled her eyes, happy to see him relaxing. “Must be nice.” 

“What if we split it?” Ben offered. “That’s the plan, right? Split everything down the middle.” 

“Well…” 

“Just say whatever it is you want to say,” Ben pleaded. “Your silence is freaking me out.” 

“I technically have the money to split it,” Rey explained, palms starting to sweat. “But it would be a pretty big hit for me.” 

“Then let me pay,” Ben told her, as if that decided it. “Easy.” 

Ben knew she hated charity. She’d spent so much of her life being pitied and feeling small. She took a lot of pride in the fact that she could pay her own way now. She’d rather not have something than feel like she owes someone. Even if, like this, taking charity would make her life a whole lot easier. 

“There’s actually another option,” Rey tried to keep her voice even. “Our child, could be conceived just like his father.” 

Ben snorted. 

“I regret telling you that,” Ben wiped a hand down his face. 

“Technically, _Leia_ told me that. And later Han. And then Leia again the next Christmas.” 

“Wait,” Ben stopped her. “Are you suggesting we have drunken sex?” 

Rey wished she could sink into a hole in the train floor and live among the rats for the rest of her life. Is this what it had come to? Being so poor she felt compelled to offer to have sex with her best friend rather than cut out Starbucks for the next two years. 

“I’m not… not suggesting it,” Rey focused on a spot over Ben’s shoulders so she could pretend she was looking at him without actually having to do it. 

“Are you seriously that hard up for dick?” Ben guffawed at her. 

Rey punched him in the shoulder as she felt herself turning beet red. 

“I hate you,” she spat out through gritted teeth. 

“If you wanted to sleep with me so badly,” Ben composed himself. “You could have asked.” 

“I don’t want to sleep with you!” Rey yelled so loudly it turned more than a few heads. “I have to change trains to go to drinks.” 

Maybe once she left this subway car, the urge to die would dissipate. She snuck a glance over at Ben who was still grinning at her. Maybe it would take longer for her will to live to return. 

“Let me get this straight,” Ben’s eyes were alight and it was hard to remember that a few moments ago, he had been the nervous one. “You don’t want to sleep with me. But you’d rather do it than take my charity and allow me to pay for your half of the insemination.” 

The doors opened and Rey took her chance to leap out of the car as fast as she could. 

“Now you’re getting it,” she threw over her shoulder as she headed to an overly loud bar to drink shitty craft beer and wait to meet a guy who never showed up. 

*** 

**BEN: How was the date?**

**REY: Great. I’m fucking him right now.**

**BEN: Oh cool, so do you want to use HIS sperm?**

**REY: Jealous?**

**BEN: If you’re coherent enough to text he’s not as good in bed as I am. **

**BEN: So no. **

**BEN: Let’s do it. I don’t want you to feel weird about money stuff. **

**REY: Thanks**

**BEN: You’re welcome. **

**BEN: Just please don’t look at me differently after you’ve seen my dick. **

**REY: I’ll try. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really had planned for them to conceive this chapter. Sorry, gang! Also I made artwork that doesn't totally suck that you can find on my twitter: https://twitter.com/cinemariel/status/1179542229611769856?s=20


	4. "I love you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deepest apologies for the cliffhanger that follows...

“Is it going to be a problem I don’t have big boobs?” she asked him as soon as Mrs. Neidermyer got off the elevator on level two. 

Ben choked on his Americano and gave Rey a Julius Caesar level look of betrayal as he coughed uncontrollably. Rey had to hammer on his back for a full thirty seconds before it would stop. 

“We can’t be squeamish about this,” Rey shrugged when he kept looking at her like a kicked puppy. “Not if you’re gonna put a baby in me. And I know you like girls who are more well endowed and I want to know if it’s going to be a problem.” 

“Christ, Rey,” Ben’s voice was still hoarse. “Buy a guy dinner first.” 

“I think we should be fairly drunk,” Rey argued. “Dinner would defeat the purpose.” 

“It’s going to be hard to fuck you if you keep talking like a robot,” Ben held the elevator doors open for Rey as carried her groceries out of the cramped space. 

“What if I was a robot with big tits?” 

“Then I’d make an exception,” Ben smirked. 

*** 

**REY: FYI I’m ovulating next week. Does Friday work for you?**

**BEN: Can you do Thursday? **

**REY: If you want to have a 6.5 percent less likely chance of conceiving, sure. **

**BEN: Friday it is. **

*** 

Rey’s phone lit up on her nightstand. A picture of her and Ben at a Mets game sticking their tongues out was staring at her. Thanks to some slushies they’d spiked his tongue was orange and hers was blue. It usually made her laugh but right now it filled her with complete and utter dread. 

There was no way she could let it go to voicemail. She had _just_ been texting him. She knew she was micromanaging but she couldn’t keep herself from obsessing. Ben had had a lot of sex and she hated the idea of embarrassing herself in front of him by being shit in bed. 

Ben teasing her about her lack of a sex life was one thing. She could always tease him right back for being a total jackass incapable of commitment. But what if they had sex and she was terrible? And then he’d know she was a hopeless case! A pitiable girl who would never find love because she was absolutely dreadful at sex? Rey didn’t think there could be anything more humiliating. 

“Are you freaking out?” Ben asked her the second she picked up. “My Rey-Sense is tingling.” 

Rey sucked in a breath. 

“It’s possible,” she admitted. 

“You know I love it when you’re vague,” Ben snarked. He despised beating around the bush. Indirectness made him itchy and it was usually never a problem with him and Rey. They could always be honest with each other. But this was uncharted territory for them. 

“I’m worried if I voice it, you’ll pull out,” Rey hugged her knees to her chest. “No pun intended.” 

Ben sighed. 

“How about? I promise you we won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. And if at any point you want to stop we can always just go with Plan T.” 

“What’s plan T?” Rey asked. 

“Turkey baster.” 

Rey snorted. 

*** 

Ben showed up at her apartment after work. He was still wearing a navy blue suit, his tie loose around his neck. His hair was getting longer than he usually let it and his jawline was dark with stubble. 

Rey greeted him in stilettos and a tight black dress she’d bought to go along with her new pushup bra. As she’d painted on her red lipstick a half hour ago she’d decided she was going for a Sandy At The End of Grease vibe. But as she tottered over to him she felt more like a clown on stilts. 

“Oh shit,” Ben blinked down at her, tongue-tied. “Hey.” 

Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him for a minute. She let herself press up against him and tried to appreciate Ben’s body in a way she never had before. He’d started crossfit a few years ago and it was paying the fuck off based on what she could feel through his clothes. 

She pressed her lips to his cheek. Something they basically never did but if they were going to have sex tonight she figured she should ramp things up. 

But when she pulled back she realized that her lipstick had left a perfect imprint of her lips on his cheek. 

A giggle burst from her lips. 

“You look like a cartoon sailor.” 

Ben whirled around to look at himself in the mirror in her entryway. When he caught sight of his reflection he barked out a laugh as well. 

“I’m gonna get a makeup wipe,” Rey darted into her bathroom. 

When she came out, she found Ben on her couch. “Couch” was a generous word. It was a loveseat that barely fit the two of them when he’d come over to watch The Bachelor and drink sangria with her. He patted the seat beside him and she joined him. 

He had taken his jacket off. Rey felt like the room had gotten at least five whole degrees hotter and tried not to think about how sweaty her palms were. Instead she reached up and attempted to clean the red stain off Ben’s cheek. 

Ben watched her as she slid the cloth over his face, scrubbing at his skin. The smell of artificial pink grapefruit filled the air. Once Rey was done with him she surreptitiously swiped at her own mouth looking up at him through her eyelashes, her cheeks turning pink. 

Ben gave her a crooked grin that made his eyes crinkle at the edges. A smile she'd seen on him a million times. It felt like home. Nothing too bad could happen if Ben was smiling at her like that. 

“I love you,” he whispered. It was something they didn’t say often but she knew he meant it. 

“I love you too,” she felt like her skin was on fire but she felt compelled to let him know she felt the same way. 

Ben leaned towards her and Rey felt her stomach lurch. Here it was. He was going to kiss her. She licked her lips in anticipation, trying to relax even though her whole body felt like it was about to start shaking. Why was she so freaked out? It was a kiss. She could kiss anyone. Hypothetically. 

Before she could think she felt her palm pressing against his broad chest. 

“I taste like rubbing alcohol,” she stopped him. “I’m gonna… rinse my mouth out. I’ll just be a second.” 

While Rey was gone, Ben took off his jacket and draped it on the chair he’d watched Rey build while they watched _Aliens_ on a Monday they’d each had off from work. He remembered reading her the directions in a calm and level voice until Rey got frustrated and just built the thing herself. She had a few extra screws left over but the thing was sturdy. She was handy with that stuff in a way he wasn’t. 

When she came back she was barefoot. Clearly she considered the heels a mistake and Ben could hardly disagree with her, she looked much more at ease without them. 

“Want a drink?” she padded over to the refrigerator. 

“Yeah,” Ben nodded. “Whatever you’re having.” 

He let himself check Rey out. The dress was incredibly sexy but he could tell Rey was having trouble moving in it. He knew she was trying to dress like the kind of girl he usually went for. It was sweet of her, wanting to make Ben more comfortable. More interested in her. 

But it was having the opposite effect. Rey looked hopelessly uncomfortable in this dress that was so tight, she had to move like her knees were glued together. She hobbled around her kitchen island, her teeth sinking into her lower lip and a little wrinkle appearing in between her eyebrows. 

Ben had always known Rey was beautiful. When he first met her in the hallway of her co-ed dorm she was dressed in a fluffy pink Hello Kitty robe and the thought of her naked under it had made him nearly self-destruct. This was before Ben Solo: Sex God was born (a name Poe had given him after he slept with half the girls on their floor). 

This was back in the one month period in college where looking at Rey was like looking at the sun. She was so bright and beautiful and warm he was worried he might go blind. But then she started dating Mitaka and—after a few weeks of angst—Ben learned that talking to other girls was much easier than talking to Rey and sleeping with them was pretty easy too. 

And he’d never looked back. Rey had become his best friend. She stayed with Mitaka for all four years of college until he dumped her right before graduation the second his first job offer rolled in. And now here Ben was… about to sleep with her and do his eighteen year old self proud. But he couldn’t rid himself of the idea that she could never want him. That it would be infinitely easier if he was someone else. 

Someone kinder. Someone better. Someone worthy of her time. 

“Cheers,” Rey held out two glasses of scotch and Ben took the one nearest him. 

“Generous pour,” he joked, trying to get her to smile. 

“Well,” she shrugged, full of nervous energy. “You know… I’m planning on pretending you’re Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid.” 

“So you can crush on a _cartoon_ but my Cats thing is—“ 

“Prince Eric is a _person_!” Rey objected. 

“Who wants to have sex with a girl who is half fish!” Ben argued back. “Maybe you have a type.” 

Rey laughed. But soon her laughter faded into a long and sustained groan. 

“Talking about this is deeply unsexy,” Rey whined burying her face in her lap. “How are we going to do this? You’ve thrown up here after too many jello shots! I feel like halfway through sex I’m going to remember a funny story I want to tell you and then I’ll burst out laughing and kill our collective sex drive forever.” 

Ben knew Rey hadn’t had an easy go of it. Mitaka had completely tanked her confidence. After they broke up, Ben had heard through Finn that Mitaka was much shittier to her than Rey had ever let on. He told her she wasn’t good in bed and that no one else would ever want her. Understandably, it had made her gun-shy about dating. It was easier for her to sideline herself than it was to go out knowing she could get rejected again. No matter how many times all of their friends told her Mitaka was an idiot and she was great, Rey still seemed wounded. Her sense of herself was completely distorted. 

Ben wished he could get her out of her own head for a night. For her sake. 

“I might have an idea,” Ben admitted. “If you’re not into it, I totally understand. But some girls I’ve been with have liked it and I think it could help…” 

“Please just spit it out,” Rey swatted him on the arm, her brow crinkling. Ben could see how nervous she was, how much she wanted this to work. 

“Let’s not be ourselves,” he blurted out. “Let’s be two other people. Two other _attractive_ strangers who don’t know everything about each other. We’ll get changed, meet down at the Cantina around the corner, have some drinks, and then those two people will go back to my apartment—straight to the guest bedroom I never use that I don’t think you’ve ever even _seen_—and have sex. And then… nothing will have changed between us. Because it won't have been us.” 

Rey gaped at him, open-mouthed. You could have heard a pin drop in her apartment. Which was a first because they were _always talking._

Ben braced himself for the possibility that Rey was going to ask him to leave her apartment and that he was going to have to Amazon Prime a turkey baster. 

“We never go to the Cantina,” she mumbled. “It’s too loud.” 

“Well,” Ben shrugged, noticing that wasn’t a no. “If everything goes according to plan we won’t talk much.” 

Rey grinned at him. She felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. This could work. It was much easier to compartmentalize. Rey didn’t know how to be sexy… especially with Ben. But maybe someone else could be. A side of her she never showed him, never showed anyone really could come out. The side that danced to Beyonce alone in fancy underwear she ordered online and never used. Maybe Ben could find that girl fuckable. 

Maybe that girl could fuck Ben Solo: Sex God. 

“Let’s do it,” she agreed. “What should I call you?” 

“Meet me at the Cantina in half an hour and ask me,” Ben told her, his voice nearly a growl. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be mad at me! I'm working on the next chapter and I hadn't posted in a while and wanted to get something out! 
> 
> As someone who has unknowingly been in love with a friend they now date... this stuff takes time (at least, it did for me)!
> 
> I WILL let you know that as a fan of the Trash Triplets, Ben and Rey's fake names will be familiar...


	5. When Matt Met Daisy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _She closed her eyes and let herself live in it. Just for a second more, she promised herself. Then she’d go back._
> 
> _But maybe, since she was Daisy for the night. For this beautiful, fleeting few hours. She could just do what felt right. And not overthink it. _

The first thing Rey did when she shut the door behind ben was put on her “Red Lipstick” playlist on Spotify. It was her confidence music, her sexy music. Her taking the subway to a third date music. 

Beyonce blasted through her headphones as she dashed to her closet as fast as she could in this godawful dress. Thank God she’d saved the tags. That thing was going back to the store ASAP. Which meant 80 bucks back in Rey’s bank account that she could really use. She found herself thinking about the week ahead of her and when she’d be able to get back to the boutique she’d bought it in when she froze. 

This was the opposite of what she should be doing. If she was going to have any shot at all of being fun, sexy, third date Rey she needed to get out of her head. And usually, with Ben, she was. 

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her lips were stained red from the lipstick but no longer a smudge liability. She’d worn her hair up in an attempt to show off her artificial cleavage and found that it made her feel naked. This had clearly been the wrong look. But what was the right one? 

She fired off a quick text on her phone. 

**REY: Do you have a moment for a time sensitive but not urgent phone call?**

Rose called her almost instantly. 

“Why are you using your assistant email voice with me?” Rose wasted absolutely no time letting Rey know what she’d thought of her text. 

“You have a family!” Rey cried. “I was trying to be respectful of your time. Are you not with the kids?” 

“I took a brief break from the tea party,” Rose told her. “Armie’s better at it than me anyway. What’s up?” 

“What clothes of mine do I look sexy in?” Rey dashed to her closet looking at the sea of work sweaters and slacks and weekend overalls. 

“Rey,” Rose sounded like she’d died and gone to heaven. “I’m so glad you called me. What’s the occasion?” 

Rey faltered for a second. They’d agreed they wouldn’t tell their friends they were having sex. Especially Rose, who always fantasized about Rey and Ben getting married so they could all go on group couples vacations. Which they basically already did— just with Rey and Ben in separate rooms getting solo massages instead of couples ones. 

“I got a text from Josh,” Rey lied as smoothly as she could. “That guy I had an almost thing with. But he moved to Chicago, remember? He’s back in town for a night and wants to get a drink and…” 

“And that’s obviously code for _let’s have sex,”_ Rose finished. “But you never do one night stands.” 

“Well, maybe I should,” Rey wondered if she should have called Kaydel. 

“Not if it makes you uncomfortable,” Rose cautioned her. “If you’re forcing yourself into it, you won’t have any fun. Which is the whole point, right?” 

Rey knew what it felt like to be pressured into sex. And this wasn’t it. Ben wasn’t pressuring her and she wasn’t doing this just to please him. She wanted to do it. She wanted to prove to herself that she could. Plus, it was Ben. There was no one it was safer to make a bit of an ass out of herself in front of. And _logically,_ she knew that. 

“That’s not the problem,” Rey tried to speak as honestly as she could. “He’s great. I think he’s nice and handsome. I want to do this—like it has been a _while._ It’s me that I’m worried about. I just… want to get out of my own way.” 

“You want to be Post Volleyball Intramural Championships Rey,” Rose plucked the words right out of her subconscious. 

“Yes!” Rey exclaimed. 

Their junior year, Rey had joined a few of the people from her floor freshman year on their intramural volleyball team. Rey had played in high school and was looking for something to keep her active (and subconsciously, to keep her away from her shitty then boyfriend who was studying abroad that year and had requested that they make their relationship “open” so he could sleep with whoever he wanted in Prague). Her friend group obviously started coming to games to support her and quickly noticed something. 

Rey was insanely hot when she played volleyball. She led the team from the back row, had an intense serve, and played with an unshakable confidence. Rey had seen the pictures of herself and she couldn’t lie… she looked good. Laser focused and in control. 

“So what do I do?” Rey asked, her voice jumping up an octave. “Show up in spandex shorts and try to drag him to a park to watch my jump serve?” 

“I mean, that’s one way to do it,” Rose huffed a little laugh. “But I was thinking about the Gold Metal party we threw after you guys won. The peak of your powers, if you will.” 

“The party where I made out with three members of the opposing team?” Rey blushed even thinking about it. 

“I was thinking more about when you fixed the radiator at Ben and Hux’s apartment even though you’d already killed a bottle of champagne all by yourself,” Rose told her. 

“Oh, yeah, that,” Rey backed away from her closet. Remembering that night as a warm swirl of color and sound. Ben had hoisted her onto his shoulders when her team had won. They had all been laughing and yelling like idiots. But when they got back to the apartment, the heat wouldn’t turn on and Rey had just barked at them to get her tools and fixed it before everyone could get too cold. 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Rey!” Rose ordered. “You were super fucking hot that night because you weren’t second-guessing yourself! Everything you did that night you knew how to do. Including screaming every word to ‘Superbass.’ You’re hot when you do stuff you’re good at. Everyone is. That’s just science. So wear something you feel good in and think about stuff you’re good at.” 

“Like being a literary assistant?” Rey asked, glumly. How was she supposed to return to that night? That 21 year old hurricane was a different person. Lighter, more fun, less damaged, full of hope. 

“Like writing,” Rose corrected her. “And working with your hands. And making people laugh. And kickboxing. And an uncanny Kermit the Frog impression which I think you should not use tonight.” 

Rey felt tears prick at the corner of her eyes and found herself looking up at the ceiling for fear she’d smear her eye makeup. 

“I think Mitaka made you doubt yourself a lot,” Rose continued. “But… he was wrong about you, Rey. Don’t let his opinion stick to you forever. All of us think you’re so, so special. Be your wonderful, funny, smart, bizarrely competitive self.” 

“Want to ditch Hux and marry me?” Rey asked, her eyes landing on the perfect thing to wear tonight. 

*** 

The click of Rey’s boots hitting the concrete created a rhythm she could sway her hips to. The metronomic clip helped her get into the zone. She thought about the Gold Medal party, destroying Poe in their goofy Karaoke battle at his last birthday, fixing her boss’s umbrella with his mini glasses screwdriver and earning the approving gazes of everyone in her office two weeks ago. Each memory made her swell with confidence. She could do this. 

Her lips were glossed, her jeans were ripped, and her top was a black lace bustier she’d impulse bought last month that she wore under a leather motorcycle jacket that fit her like a second skin. This was definitely the look. She’d sent a picture to Rose and had received a very encouraging explosion of emojis back. 

Tonight she was going to be a girl who acted on instinct. A girl who spent the day working with her hands and the night doing whatever the hell she wanted. And tonight she was gonna do a handsome stranger. 

She made her way towards the Cantina. Her music pounding in her headphones, her hips swaying, her shoulders back. She spied a few girls with neon colored hair and lip rings smoking outside the bar. One of them gave her an appreciative nod and Rey flooded with joy. One of them was smoking. Rey wondered if her sexy alter ego smoked and decided she didn’t. Not regularly, at least. 

Rey yanked her headphones out and reached in her pocket for her wallet. She was _always_ carded. It was one of the many things that came with having a baby face. But before she could find her license the huge bear of a man at the door waved her off. 

“No need, sweetheart,” he murmured, ushering her into the club with a smile. 

Normally Rey might have felt a little creeped out by such an overfamiliar stranger. But tonight she took it in stride. She didn’t look like a little girl. She looked like a woman. And that was exactly what she was going for. 

The bar was dark and loud. Music pulsed around her so loudly she could feel the bass in her chest. Everyone here was young and trendy and hot. She saw couples grinding on the dance floor and making out against the walls. She felt a shiver race down her spine knowing she was going home with someone tonight. 

She walked along the bar, looking for her date for the night. When she saw a broad pair of shoulders, stretching a white button down to its limit, with dark hair curling against the collar, she knew she’d found him. Almost as if he could sense his eyes on her he turned to face her and Rey felt all the air leave her chest. 

He’d gotten rid of his jacket and he’d clearly run up to his apartment and taken out his contacts and replaced them with _glasses. _

Rey could help but grin. Ben knew her well. She’d always been team Clark Kent Is Hotter Than Superman. She could not resist a four-eyed hottie (Poe’s words, not hers). She hadn’t even realized Ben _wore_ them. Maybe he was more of a mystery than she’d thought. 

And he must have liked what he saw because he did a blatant double take when he looked at her. His wide eyes and open mouth were so goofy Rey had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. _This_ had been the reaction she’d been going for with the dress earlier. Better late than never. 

“Is this seat taken?” Rey let her eyes rake over him in a way she’d never let them in real life. Rey had decided her alter ego was aggressive. Why not try it on as an attitude when she knew he was already inclined to go home with her? 

“Can I get you a drink?” he blurted out, forcing his eyes to look into hers rather than at the sliver of skin between the lace of her top and the waistband of her jeans. 

“Tequila,” she told him, sitting down next to him. “Patron, if you can afford it.” 

“I can,” he reached out a hand and Rey let herself admire his forearms. He was in the same crisp white button down he’d worn to her apartment but he’d rolled the sleeves up and the fabric was straining to contain his arms. Fuck, had Ben always been so… big? 

“I’m Matt,” he took her hand in his and she felt small in his grasp. But not weak or out of her depth like she felt back in her apartment, now she felt like someone he needed to win over, someone he shouldn’t bore. 

“Daisy,” she shook it, giving him a firmer grip than she usually did. 

“Cute name,” he grinned before turning to the bartender. “Two double shots of Patron.” 

“What can I say?” she deadpanned. “I’m adorable.” 

“What do you do?” Ben asked, smiling at her easily. “Besides drink free tequila strangers buy you.” 

Rey was glad she’d worked on her backstory after her call with Rose. Making one up on the fly would probably have resulted in her babbling incoherently. 

“I’m a mechanic,” Rey ran a hand through her hair, letting as much of it spill over her eye as possible so she could peek out from under it. Rey always felt sexiest when she could play with her hair and tonight was no exception. 

“A mechanic named Daisy,” Ben allowed his gaze to dip down to her exposed chest for a split second and Rey felt herself swell with pride at the hunger that flickered in his eyes. Maybe she should dress like this more often. 

“I may have felt the need to rebel against my girly name,” she admitted, taking their drinks from the bartender and offering Ben his. “What do you do?” 

“I teach tenth grade English,” Ben accepted his drink. “I’m knee deep in Jane Eyre at the moment.” 

Rey could punch him. The glasses, a schoolteacher, _and_ Jane Eyre?!? Did he have some kind of How To Sleep With Rey Johnson checklist he was working off of? Knowing Ben, it was possible. He worked in marketing, so he knew to play to his audience. 

“Mr. Rochester,” Rey sipped her drink, trying to keep herself from beaming. “The ultimate problematic fave.” 

Ben chuckled. 

“One crazy ex wife in an attic and you get a bad reputation,” he joked. “Doesn’t seem fair.” 

The thought of Ben Solo googling Jane Eyre Spark Notes to get into Rey’s pants was so cute she thought she might die. Rey tried to rid herself of the image. Tonight was not about Rey and Ben. It was about Matt and Daisy. 

Rey never smirked. But Daisy could smirk. Especially at Matt… someone she could just feel wanted her. Matt was the kind of guy Daisy could play with a bit before she decided if she’d go home with him or not. 

She threw back the rest of her drink and wiped at the corner of her mouth with her thumb to draw his eyes to her lips. She enjoyed feeling his gaze going exactly where she directed it. The power of it was just as easy to get drunk on as the tequila that burned her throat. 

“Matt?” she asked, noticing that he was getting a bit dreamy eyed looking at her—he was really committing to this character. 

“Sorry,” he rubbed at the back of his neck. “You’re just really, really fucking pretty.” 

That word melted her. _Pretty._ It was so vulnerable and sweet. Matt clearly didn’t get out much. And something about her—well, Daisy—was getting him really flustered. 

“Want to finish that drink and dance with me, Matt the Teacher?” she stood up and thanks to their absurd height difference this brought them eye to eye. 

“I don’t generally dance,” he mumbled. 

She leaned in, letting her lips almost brush against his. 

“Make an exception,” she let her voice get low and throaty, loving the thrill it gave her to tell him what to do. 

He downed his drink and scrambled onto his feet so fast he almost tripped face first onto the bar. 

“You okay there, tiger?” she asked, enjoying the blush that was spreading across his cheeks. 

“I’m good,” he mumbled before grabbing her hand as he swept past her and pulling her to the dance floor. 

Rey let him pull her along, enjoying his attempt to grab the upper hand back from her as they made their way through the crowd. When he finally found a spot he deemed worthy for them on the dance floor he turned to look at her, expectantly. 

“This okay?” he shouted over the music. 

She nodded, enjoying the way he looked to her for approval. 

“I like your glasses,” she yelled at him over the music, tapping her temple in case he could hear her. 

“Thanks,” he beamed down at her, still holding her hand. 

She took a step towards him, closing the distance in between them. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pressed her hips flush against his. Not to be outdone, he grabbed her by the hips and began to wind them in a slow grind he matched with his own. 

Dancing with him was the sexiest thing that had happened to her all year. Throw in the fact that they were roleplaying strangers that were going to go home together and it was in the running for sexiest thing that had happened to her in her whole life. 

He pressed his forehead against hers. And she smiled at the feeling of his breath tickling her lips. She felt completely and absolutely overdressed. Her leather jacket that had once felt like a suit of armor, was now stiflingly hot and far too confining. 

He slid his hands up her hips and inside of her jacket, resting on her waist. There was that weird telepathy. But they’d never used it like this before. 

Rey tilted her head back, drinking it all in. The deep bass of the music, the warmth from the alcohol, the buzz from his attention and his touch… she wanted to live in this moment forever. She felt absolutely light as air. Why couldn’t life always feel as easy as they felt right now. 

Now when she was Daisy dancing with Matt. 

His hands gripped her waist, supporting her as she dipped backwards. She enjoyed the feeling of her hair tickling the small of her back and she laughed at the absurdity of it all. What a fucking night. 

She closed her eyes and let herself live in it. Just for a second more, she promised herself. Then she’d go back. 

But maybe, since she was Daisy for the night. For this beautiful, fleeting few hours. She could just do what felt right. And not overthink it. 

She used the arms she’d wrapped around his neck to pull herself up and dragged his lips down to hers. 

It was a relatively tentative kiss at first. She pressed her mouth against his, not wanting to push. Just wanting to try it, to taste him. He tasted like tequila, maybe a little toothpaste, and… Ben. 

Hands tightened around her waist and she could feel the blood thrumming through her veins. His lips shaped themselves to hers and she licked at the seam of his mouth, hungry for more. 

She ground into him, feeling pressure building inside of her and begging for release. He felt so fucking good against her she forgot they were surrounded by people. People who could see him wrapping a hand around her throat and angling her so he could devour her more easily. 

His lips skimmed over her cheek to her jaw and she took the opportunity to whisper in his ear. 

“Do you live close by?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Trailer Week, Reylos!!  
Next chapter this week, I promise! I've just had this first half for so long... I wanted to get it to you guys!


	6. Spare Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His heart was hammering in his chest. They were going to do this. He was going to have sex with Rey.
> 
> With Daisy. 
> 
> But. 
> 
> Daisy _was_ Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the smut you were promised

The walk back had been quiet. For once, Ben and Rey weren’t talking. The club had felt electric. Ben knew the glasses had been a good call and had to admit he was proud as fuck of himself for coming up with the english teacher thing. But now they were out on the street and it was _quiet_ (for Manhattan). 

He held Rey’s hand in his, something he’d done countless times before but never like this. He felt the urge to fill the silence. But how much more about Jane Eyre could he really say before it became clear he was in over his head? 

He looked down at her for what felt like the millionth time on their short walk back to his apartment and found that this time she was looking back at him. She looked so gorgeous tonight. So sexy. So _not_ the Rey he knew. 

Because she was Daisy. And he was Matt. And tonight he was going to put a baby in her. All of which was uncharted territory for the both of them. She smirked up at him and it felt like the weirdest role reversal of their whole relationship. He was overthinking and she was the one making it all simple. Well, two could play at that game. “Can I kiss you?” he asked. Kissing her at the Cantina had been incredible. It felt like stepping into some kind of Alternate Reality where he and Rey didn’t meet in college. Where he never spent all that time sleeping around. Where he still felt closer to his gangly 18 year old self and she was just as untouchable and perfect as she’d been to him when they started school together. Where he and Rey had never relaxed into what they were now. 

It was a chance to have her in a way he didn’t realize he still wanted. A part he’d buried. A part he’d be able to shut the door on after tonight. Assuming they conceived. 

“I’d like that,” she grinned up at him like the cat that ate the canary. 

Ben captured her face in his hands and kissed her hard. He felt hyper aware of how small she was. He couldn’t wait to get inside his apartment and scoop her up in his arms. He tugged on her bottom lip with his teeth. He knew Matt probably wouldn’t be a biter but he couldn’t resist the sounds it pulled out of her, the way her breath hitched when he took charge. 

He pulled back and she let out a little whine from the back of her throat. Clearly she wasn’t ready for the kiss to end and neither was he. But having her out on the street with her hair all mussed and her lips so swollen and wet… that was dangerous. 

He lead her down his street— their street— by the small of her back. His heart was hammering in his chest. They were going to do this. He was going to have sex with Rey. 

With Daisy. 

But. 

Daisy _was_ Rey. 

He was brought back to the present when she cleared her throat next to him. He blinked stupidly and realized they were standing in front of his building. Tonight it was just his. 

“Right,” he punched in the code to buzz them in. “This is me.” 

“Do you do this often?” she asked, lips pursed together as she looked him up and down. 

“Make out with cute girls in my lobby?” he raised an eyebrow at her. “Not really?” 

“What—“ 

He kissed her mid laugh. Her mouth was open and he licked into it. Tasting her laugh, feeling her smile, it felt easy. Matt and Daisy worked. They fit together. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off her feet and she squealed into his mouth. 

“You’ve used that one before, haven’t you?” she asked, wiggling out of his grasp. Her cheeks had turned the most adorable and un-Daisy shade of pink but Ben didn’t really care if it broke the illusion. Or maybe that was just the effect Matt had on her. The tough, take no shit mechanic who turns to goo for the soft spoken and sensitive high school teacher. Ben would watch that porn. Hell, he was about to live it. 

“Nah,” he pressed the elevator button. “That one’s special for you.” 

She rolled her eyes at him and walked through the sliding doors. He stood for a second just looking at her. He resolved to make this good for her. As good as he could. Ben had never gotten any complaints, sex-wise. Quite the opposite actually. But still, he was going to go above and beyond for Rey. It’s what she deserved. Maybe after this she wouldn’t be so scared when the right guy came along. 

Ben felt a pang in his chest, same as he did when she mentioned the set up she’d left him for on the subway. When Rey finds someone she’ll have less time for him. For their baby. But then he reminded himself it was her… leaving people isn’t in her DNA. She still sent her favorite elementary school teachers Christmas cards. 

Rey— or rather, Daisy— crooked a finger at him, bringing him back to the present. _Come here, you idiot_ was written all over her face and he didn’t hate the way she kept him on his toes. Maybe he should try playing hard to get more often. 

He all but ran into the elevator, feeling awkward and clumsy and giddy about what they were about to do. He tangled a hand in her hair and kissed her again. Pulling her against him. She was so soft and warm and he was… getting less and less soft by the second. 

“Umm, Matt,” she murmured against his lips. Was he about to be busted for getting a semi this early into their time together? 

“Yeah?” he angled his hips away from hers, hoping she wouldn’t notice. 

“You didn’t hit the button,” she explained. “For your floor.” 

“Oh, right,” Ben could feel the tips of his ears going red when he turned around and pressed it. The mirrored doors closed in front of him and he saw her behind him trying not to smile. The second they made guilty eye contact they both started laughing. 

She pulled him to her and kissed him again. She ground her hips into his and gasped when she felt the length of him through his jeans. 

“Fuck,” she whispered against his mouth and it was all Ben could do not to smirk and say _I told you so. _

When the doors opened, Ben bent and lifted her by the back of her knees. She squealed as she threaded her arms around his neck and he carried her to his door, kissing her insistently. 

“Show off,” she nipped at his lower lip. 

“Shut up,” he growled. Pressing her against the door of his apartment so he could let her go and search in his back pocket for his keys. 

She laughed as he fumbled for them. In retaliation he gave her several bites on her neck that he hoped would bruise. She got him back by rolling her hips into his and which distracted him so much he almost dropped her. 

“Am I distracting you, Matt?” she purred into his ear. 

“Not at all. On an unrelated note, has anyone ever told you, you’re very difficult?” he grumbled, finally getting the key in the lock and swinging the door open. 

Before she could answer he hoisted her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes as he walked her through his living room, into the hallway, and through the door to his guest bedroom. The place his parents stayed when they didn’t want to pay for a hotel. Or, more often, where Poe used to stay when he got too drunk playing video games with him. 

Not exactly a sexy room. 

But, Ben was starting to change his mind about that. 

He threw her down on the bed and couldn’t help but smile at the way she bounced on the springy mattress. 

“I pride myself on my difficulty,” she propped herself up on her elbows, not realizing she was giving him a near perfect view down the front of her top. 

Reflexively he looked away. It was Rey. 

But it wasn’t. 

He let himself drink in her perfect tan skin. The smattering of freckles that covered her shoulders and her cheekbones. Was he about to find more? 

“See anything you like?” she asked, her voice low and suggestive. God, had her accent always been this sexy? 

He nodded, wanting to give her back control of the situation. He didn’t want to touch her before she was ready. Scratch that. He did want to touch her. The hard on begging for attention in his pants was a testament to how fucking much he wanted to touch her. But he wouldn’t do it without her asking. He wanted her to want it. 

He moved towards her slowly, feeling like an animal stalking his prey. He wanted to give her time to object if he needed to slow things down. Because once they got going, he had a feeling that would be extremely difficult. 

“I like your mouth,” he kissed her gently on the lips. 

“Your freckles,” he continued, planting a kiss on the cluster on her cheekbone. “Your eyes, your neck, your tits… there’s not much I don’t like.” 

“Well,” she had the nerve to actually bat her eyelashes at him. “What are you going to do about it?” 

He brushed his nose against hers, their lips almost touching. The tickle of her breath against his lips was enough to make him shiver. 

“What would you like me to do?” he asked, forcing himself to keep his voice even. To give her just one more out before they actually tried to do this thing. 

But she didn’t seem to want one. She leaned forward, closing the distance between them and kissing him. Her fingers carded through his hair and her nails scratched at his scalp making him groan into her mouth. He wrapped his arms around her, caging her in as they kissed. His breath was ragged and he was now almost painfully hard. 

She crawled into his lap and straddled him, her knees bracketing his hips. She ground into him and he growled in frustration. He wanted to make this last for her but she wasn’t making it easy. 

He fisted a hand in her hair and pulled gently, making her gasp. With the long, smooth column of her throat exposed, he took his time, letting his lips ghost over her skin as he thrusted up into her. She sighed and clung to him, her grasp on his biceps almost hurting him. 

“What do you want?” he whispered into her neck between kisses. 

“Take your clothes off,” she told him, her voice sounding absolutely fucking _wrecked._ “Then mine.” 

She helped him with the buttons on his shirt and peeled it off, enjoying the way she watched him hungrily. Eager to show off, he hoisted her off of him and onto her back so he could wriggle out of his jeans and underwear. 

She inhaled sharply when he turned around, giving her a view of his long, hard cock. He couldn’t help but smirk at her. He’d warned her… 

He knelt at the side of the bed, his hands toying with the bare strip of skin below her top, enjoying how smooth her skin was… how it made her shudder when he let his fingers wander, tracing the zipper of her jeans and pressing just a little harder exactly where she needed him to. 

She rubbed her thighs together, desperate for friction of any kind and Ben decided to stop teasing her. He tugged off her jeans, revealing a black lace thong that he pressed a few chaste kisses on top of that left her sighing. 

“I’ve got you,” he assured her as he crawled up her body to make quick work of the top that had been driving him crazy all night. 

He ran his fingers along it, looking for buttons or hooks or… something. He could feel her nipples pebble under his touch through the delicate fabric and wanted to taste them so badly but he couldn’t figure out how to get this fucking thing _off._

“Front clasps,” she bit her lip, and this time it wasn’t to keep from laughing. 

Of course. His fingers made quick work of them… exposing more and more of her beautiful, tanned torso with each unhooking. The valley of skin between her breasts was mouthwatering… each hook revealed another part of her he wanted to taste. 

“I’d tear this thing off you if it didn’t make you look so…” he trailed off once the top was fully open and he was face to face with her perky tits. 

“So what?” she asked, an edge to her voice. 

He looked into her eyes and saw fear there. Nervousness. She was still holding on to this worry that she couldn’t be wanted or desired. If it killed him, he was going to dissuade her of this notion. 

“Perfect,” he whispered, swooping down and taking one of her pink nipples into his mouth. 

His tongue laved at the peak and he could tell by the way her fingers grasped at his shoulders that she loved the feeling of his mouth on her. 

“Fuck,” she choked out as he parted her thighs with one of his knees, allowing her to grind agains his leg as he hollowed his cheeks and released her with an obscene pop. 

“Are you wet for me?” he whispered in her ear even though he already knew the answer. His thigh was slick from her rubbing against him. But he wanted to hear her say it. 

“Yes,” she sighed. “I want to feel you, please.” 

He crawled down her body, planting kisses on her neck, her sternum, the underside of her breasts, her stomach. He felt her holding her breath as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of her panties at pulled them off. 

She was glistening and pink and god he hoped she tasted as good as she smelled. His eyes flitted up to meet hers. 

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered. What he was saying was _thank you. Thank you for this. Thank you for trusting me. I won’t let you down. I’m going to love our family more than you’ll ever know. _

“So are you,” her eyes glistened in the darkness and Ben, not for the first time, felt so lucky to know her. 

He spread her apart gently with one hand while brushing against her clit with his other thumb. He leaned in slowly and licked a long stripe up the length of her. She shuddered, her thighs instinctively clenching around him but he held them apart. He wanted to get her ready to take him. To make it good. 

He lapped at her. Slow, long strokes of his tongue that ended in a flick against the swollen bundle of nerves at the top of her. She was so wet. Positively dripping. Ben could feel her on his chin. 

He sucked her clit into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and looked up at her watching her teeth sink into her bottom lip as her back arched. She was trying not to make a sound. It was late, and they were in an apartment. But Ben found that he couldn’t exactly give a shit. His neighbors were used to it at this point. 

He let a finger tease at her entrance and she hummed with pleasure. He slid it in easily, marveling at how warm and tight she felt around him. He slid another in and curled them searching for the spot inside her that would—- 

“Fuck, like that,” the words tore out of her mouth and he obliged her. She rolled her hips to meet his thrusts and he could feel her clenching around his fingers tighter and tighter and tighter. He pumped them in and out, loving the slick feeling and her rich taste. He could do this all night. 

“Don’t stop,” she practically sobbed and he sucked harder at her clit, painting circles against it with the flat of his tongue. He felt her hands in his hair, pulling him against her. 

He pushed his fingers deeper inside of her and she moaned. 

“More,” she whined. 

He added a third finger and reveled in the delicious stretch of her around him. He felt his cock straining and ground his hips into the mattress. His fingers were starting to cramp but he wasn’t going to give up on her that easily. 

“Yeah,” she urged him on. “Yeah, please. _Fuck._ Please.” 

He hummed against her clit. Hoping she knew he had her. He wasn’t going to stop. He was going to chase her down. Give her what she needed. Catch her and hold her there as she shook. 

“God!” she cried, coming all over his hand. He pushed her through it, moving his fingers insistently. Kissing the inside of her thighs. Cooing _good_ and _like that_ into her skin as she relaxed, going boneless in his arms. 

He crawled up her body and kissed her gently. She cupped his face in her hands and slid her tongue into his mouth to taste herself. He wanted her to know how good she tasted. He let his hands span around her tiny waist, enjoying how easy it was to move her around. Loving how she let him take charge of her pleasure. How she trusted him to know what was best. 

She reached down his body and grabbed the base of him. He shuddered at her touch as she pumped him in her hand. Suddenly he was at her mercy and he didn’t hate it at all. 

“Thank you,” she whispered against his mouth. 

He opened his mouth to respond but before he could she tilted her hips and took the head of his cock inside of her. He gasped. She was so hot and wet and _tight._ It was all Ben could do not to plunge himself inside her and mindlessly rut into her until she was full of his cum. 

She smirked up at him and Ben felt himself blush. So much for being in charge. He felt her hands clutch at his hips, her fingernails biting into his skin. She raised and lowered herself on his length, thrusting slowly taking more and more of him each time. 

The drag of her soaking wet walls against him was too much. He couldn’t think for need to be all the way inside her but he stayed still. Let her fuck herself on him. He focused on her open mouth, her flushed cheeks, the _sounds_ she was making. 

It was devastatingly sexy. Being her toy. Watching her literally top from the bottom. He wondered if this is what she looked like when she took care of herself. Did she have a toy she used? Was it as long and as thick as he was? 

But everything in Ben’s brain went quiet when she pulled him the rest of the way inside. Their hips were flush against each other and her cunt was pulsing around him with need. 

He looked at her face, trying to read her expression. Her pupils were blown her lips were pressed together like she was trying to keep herself from saying something. 

“Good?” she choked out and Ben realized she was checking in with him. Making sure he liked the way she felt inside. How did she not know she was incredible? 

“Very,” he answered through gritted teeth. Pulling out of her slowly before snapping his hips up again to meet hers. “You?” 

“Yeah,” she sighed. 

And then he began to fuck her in earnest. He pushed inside her over and over again. He held her shaking thighs open, spreading her out wide so he could hit that spot deep inside her that made her cry out. 

She bit into his shoulder, trying to quiet herself. But Ben wasn’t having any of that. 

“Wanna hear you,” he murmured into her ear, barely recognizing the sound of himself, so needy. 

She leaned back letting her head hit the pillow again and obliged him. Her soft cries filled his ears, sending a shiver down his spine. 

“I’m close,” he told her, cursing himself. Wishing he could make it last longer for her. 

“Me too,” she gripped the nape of his neck, pulling him in close. “Come inside me, please.” 

Her lips moved down his throat, into the hollow of his shoulder and then they froze as she came on his cock. She squeezed him like a fucking vise and it was over for him. 

“So good, so fucking tight,” he babbled as he pushed inside her as far as he could, spilling over. It was like she was milking his cock and he was going to give her every drop he had. _This_ was going to give them a baby. _This_ was going to make them a family. 

The arm that was keeping his weight off her gave out and he lay on her for a moment. Everything in the room was completely still. Neither of them took a breath. 

Suddenly Ben felt very aware of how naked he was. Naked with Rey. Naked on top of Rey. His best friend. Someone who was practically a sister— not that he would do what he just did to his sister but. 

Shit. 

“You okay?” he asked, still on top of her and focusing his eyes intently on a lamp he’d gotten from Crate and Barrel. 

“Yeah,” Rey yawned. Was she tired? Or had that bored her? Jesus Christ now that the blood was flowing back to Ben’s brain this was a deeply weird situation that he needed to get out of. Right now. 

“I’m gonna get some water,” he pulled out of her and stood up, trying not to move away from her too quickly. “You stay there and I’ll be right back.” 

“Okay,” her voice wavered and he finally let himself look at her. She was reaching for the sheets around her, already trying to cover herself from him. Her hair was mussed and her eyes were shining in the dark. 

“Feel pregnant yet?” he joked, weakly. 

“Oh yeah,” Rey gave him a tight smile. “I think it’s twins.” 

“You joke,” Ben pulled his boxers back on. “But they run in my family.” 

*** 

Two weeks later Rey peed on a stick and they got the plus sign. Ben popped a bottle of champagne, realized Rey couldn’t help him with it, and he drank half of it and played Just Dance with her— somehow managing to beat her every time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay they did it! I know some of you wanted them to take longer to conceive but... just know, there will be sex before the end. I promise.


	7. 40 Weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben deal with the highs and lows of pregnancy
> 
> _“More little shoes,” Rey wailed as they scrolled through the website for their baby registry. _
> 
> _“They’re going to grow out of those so fast,” Ben reminded her gently. “But holy shit little rain boots. That’s happening. Our guy or gal can’t get wet feet when it rains.” _
> 
> _“Could I please have another sandwich?” Rey batted her eyelashes at Ben and he rolled his eyes at her. _
> 
> _“You don’t have to lay it on that thick,” Ben shoved himself off the couch and headed to the kitchen to make another peanut butter and banana sandwich. “You’re growing our kid inside you, I kind of owe you.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you missed all the banter... because it's back!

**3 Weeks Pregnant**

No one knocked on Rey’s door this late at night. She hadn’t ordered take out, she wasn’t expecting a package, and Ben always walked right in. 

Except for the last few weeks or so after they’d had sex. Their hang outs had become a bit more… formal. Scheduled. Awkward. 

So when she opened the door and saw him there in sweats and a t shirt she kinda-sorta-accidentally let out a little yelp of surprise that made Ben grimace like he had throughout the entirely of Kaydel’s one woman show in college. 

“I, umm, was grabbing creamer at the bodega and saw this,” Ben held up a DVD copy of Jupiter Ascending. “It was collecting dust in the corner and I just… I know you like it. I thought maybe we could…” 

“But you hate it,” suddenly Rey felt like she might cry. Thank God for pregnancy hormones— the best excuse for any and all inexplicable emotions surrounding the mind-blowing sex you had with your best friend and the distance it’s created in your friendship. 

“But you don’t,” Ben’s feet were planted firmly in the hallway, he wouldn’t come in until she invited him. Like a tall, awkward, vampire. A tall awkward vampire who had given Rey two of the best orgasms of her life. 

“Well,” she took the DVD from him, careful not to touch his hand. “Thanks. For this brilliant and misunderstood sci-fi epic. You know it was likely discounted by critics because it’s story centers around female desire.” 

“I feel like I’ve heard that somewhere,” a bit of sarcasm dripped into Ben’s tone and she could tell it was unintentional but it made Rey want to fling her arms around his neck. She missed Ben. Ben was nice but never like this. Not so robotic and cold and… unfamiliar. 

“This is weird,” Rey blurted out at the same time Ben groaned “Fuck, I’m sorry.” 

They both stared at each other for a second. 

“I’ve been trying to give you space,” Ben admitted, running a hand through his hair. 

“I’ve been trying to give you space!” Rey rolled her eyes. “I was worried you might feel weird or something. But I didn’t want to talk about it and make it more weird because that’s what…” 

_That’s what the sexy role play was for. So it wouldn’t have happened to you and me it would have happened to Matt and Daisy. But now that they’re gone I miss Matt and maybe even more than that, I miss Daisy. I miss feeling sexy and confident. And what if I never feel like that again because I get too busy with the baby and I don’t have time to date and I just end up alone? _

“Yeah,” Ben nodded. “But I’m good. I don’t need space. I actually have like 18 stupid things saved up to talk to you about. I made a list on my phone. Can we just go back to normal?” 

“Normal plus also raising a kid together, but yeah,” Rey beamed at him, stepping aside so he could walk in. 

“Oh _right,”_ he smacked himself on the forehead as he headed towards her couch. “I knew I was forgetting something. How’s the little guy cooking?” 

“He or she _loves_ Gin and Tonics,” Rey joked. “But besides that, good. The girls took me out to a pregnancy brunch. They gave me all their baby books and renamed our group chat and told me to reach out at any time. They even agreed not to drink when we hang out, out of solidarity.” 

“Except for Phasma?” Ben asked. 

“Oh, yeah, obviously.” 

**9 Weeks Pregnant **

Rey had never thrown up at work. Not even when she’d had to work a shift the morning after she and Kaydel became undefeated Beer Pong champions by drinking everyone in the Yellow House under the table sophomore year. 

But pregnancy was threatening to tarnish her record. Especially since Plutt had gotten that new foul smelling aftershave. Rey braced herself against her desk, riding out another way of nausea. She knew she had to make it to the bathroom. She wasn’t telling Plutt she was pregnant yet. She knew he’d be an asshole about it and she had a while before she started showing. She just wanted to get through the holidays. Then they could ride Christmas sales into the New Year. Plutt would come back from Barbados in a good mood, with a horrible tan and then Rey would tell him then. 

So she needed to stand up, walk to the bathroom, and _then_ puke her guts out. 

She pushed herself up to her feet. 

_You’ve got this,_ she told herself. _You can do this. _

She forced her feet to move, one in front of the other as she lumbered toward the bathroom. But before she could get far, her phone rang. The horrible electronic trill that meant her boss had a call and she needed to be back at her desk. But her body had other ideas. 

“Aren’t you going to get that?” Plutt barked at her. His shirt was dusted with poppy seeds from his morning bagel and the sight of those food remnants made Rey’s stomach twist. 

“I have to—“ she took a deep breath. “Can you just grab it?” 

“Do I look like an assistant to you?” he scoffed. 

_Ring_

“I have a personal call,” she clutched her cell phone in her hand, waving it limply. “It’s my insurance. I have to take it.” 

_Ring_

“My desk comes first,” he stalked over to her, his bottom lip protruding like the petulant child he was. “You get that insurance through me.” 

_Ring_

“I’m really sorry,” Rey felt the sweat spring from her pores, she needed to be elsewhere. She tried to back away from him in an attempt to avoid the terrible fake-woodsy scent that seemed to emanate from him. “But you do not want me to stay right now I promise you.” 

_Ring_

“You _promise_ me I don’t want you doing your job,” he was a foot away from her now and Rey was trying to breathe through her mouth but it was all just getting to be too much. “I promise you, you don’t want to get fired.” 

_Ring_

*** 

“And then I threw up all over his shoes,” Rey explained on the phone in the cab. “And I told him what was going on. And reminded him how close I am with our legal counsel. And he told me he was just fine with me working from home whenever I felt it was necessary.” 

“I didn’t even need to threaten him at the company Christmas party!” Ben cheered. “If throwing up on Plutt wasn’t on your bucket list, I think it should have been.” 

“It might be the best thing that has ever happened to me,” she told him. “He paid for my cab. He’s terrified of me.” 

**Eleven Weeks Pregnant**

“More little shoes,” Rey wailed as they scrolled through the website for their baby registry. 

“They’re going to grow out of those so fast,” Ben reminded her gently. “But holy shit little rain boots. That’s happening. Our guy or gal can’t get wet feet when it rains.” 

“Could I please have another sandwich?” Rey batted her eyelashes at Ben and he rolled his eyes at her. 

“You don’t have to lay it on that thick,” Ben shoved himself off the couch and headed to the kitchen to make another peanut butter and banana sandwich. “You’re growing our kid inside you, I kind of owe you.” 

Rey grabbed her book from behind her couch cushion and settled in to read while he made her snack. She had just gotten to a really good section and Ben had wrapped her up in his cashmere throw blanket and put on rain sounds while they read next to each other making this possibly the most perfect Sunday she could wish for. 

She got so relaxed, she didn’t think to hide her book when she heard Ben padding towards her with her current top craving of choice. 

“Sex on the Beach?” Ben asked, eyebrows raised as he looked at the less than subtle title of the book in her hands. 

“It’s nothing,” Rey snapped the book shut and hid it behind a cushion. 

“Must have missed that on the New York Times bestseller list,” Ben mused. “It looks pretty well worn. Is it a tough read? Like Infinite Jest.” 

“Fuck off,” Rey laughed. “I’ve just had a little… extra energy to expel lately so I’ve turned to my erotica shelf.” 

“Erotica Shelf?!” Ben’s voice jumped up a full octave. 

“You don’t know everything about me, okay?” Rey swatted at him with the book. Which turned out to be a bad idea because then he tried to steal it and read it aloud. And that’s when she learned that she never wanted to hear the father of her child say the words “throbbing member” ever again. 

**14 Weeks Pregnant**

_“Fuck, don’t stop,” she begged as he slammed into her, his fists clenched around their headboard. _

_“I won’t,” he grunted, his pubic bone rubbing against her clit and making her gasp. “But you have to be quiet. You’ll wake her up.” _

_Rey bit into her lip in an attempt to stop the moans his actions were pulling out of her. But it was so hard. He was everywhere and she still couldn’t get enough of him. Moments ago they’d both been ready to go to sleep but when he reached over her to turn off her bedside lamp she’d found herself face to face with his throat, nose full of the smell of his shampoo and soap and… _him. 

_Seconds later they were tearing each other’s clothes off, desperate to be skin to skin. To feel each other. Sleep forgotten. _

_“Good job, baby,” he whispered into her ear, his hot breath making her shudder. “So fucking good for me.” _

_Rey rolled her hips to meet his thrusts, taking him even deeper. She gasped, fuck he felt good. The pressure inside her was building and any second she was going to come. _

_He covered her mouth, almost like he could read her mind. _

_“Let go, baby,” Ben panted in her ear, his pace unwavering. “I’ve got you.”_

_Her vision went white as she came, her groans were muffled by his huge hand… his fingers still wet from when they’d been inside her earlier. She could taste herself on them. _

_And now he was coming too, filling her up and she was gripping his ass, pulling him in deeper, wanting it all. And for just a moment they were one. Rey closed her eyes trying to savor it. _

_But then the baby monitor next to them crackled to life and Rey heard a gurgling cry. Ben sighed. _

_“Well, we tried,” he chuckled softly. And Rey couldn’t help but laugh too. _

Rey woke up in a cold sweat, her chest heaving. What the FUCK was that? A sex dream about Ben? And her? And their baby? 

“Fucking pregnancy hormones,” she grumbled, digging into her bedside table drawer for her vibrator. 

**19 Weeks Pregnant**

Ben had been talking to Rey on the phone for over an hour. It was a very silly thing they did sometimes. Usually when one of them was sick or they were both cleaning their apartments or both just felt lazy. For years they’d always been content to be background noise for each other and now was no different. 

“It sounds like you need to get laid, Doll,” he told her for what felt like the umpteenth time. 

“Yeah but who wants to fuck a pregnant lady?” Rey whined. 

Ben obviously couldn’t see her but he knew she was scrunching her face up into her most piteous expression. The one that sometimes made him want to shake her until she realized how gorgeous and smart and amazing she was. 

Sometimes knowing Rey was like being forced to live in a romantic comedy with a quirky lead that _looks_ like a movie star but insists on tripping over every pebble in the road because she needs to be the underdog for the audience to like her. He wished she could see herself like he saw her. 

“Well, I could direct you to a corner of the internet where you would be very popular,” he laced up his shoes and gave himself a once over in the mirror. 

“NOT for fetish reasons, Ben!” Rey shouted at him, laughing even though she was annoyed. 

Ben laughed too. At least they were in a really funny romcom. And being the best friend who’s always hooking up with hot girls on the side, the unrepentant bachelor… it had it’s perks. 

But then Ben heard a sniffle over the phone. 

“Wait, Rey are you _crying?”_ he asked, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. Had he been too mean? They always gave each other shit. It was their thing. 

“No,” Rey choked out in between sobs. “I’m fine.” 

“Rey,” he used what he realized was his Dad Voice. The stern one that says _I love you but I’m also in charge here and will do what’s best for you even if it isn’t the funnest._

“I’m just a little hormonal,” Rey admitted, her voice was so mournful it made Ben want to hold her for a week. 

“Sweet or Salty?” he asked loosening his tie. “I’m canceling my date.” 

“Ben no!” Rey cried. 

“It’s not up for debate,” he threw his phone on speaker and tossed on the bed so he could strip off his date clothes. 

“But Ben!” Rey wailed. “She’s a pole dancing instructor! With a monogamy complex! On the rebound! She’s not going to be on the market for long!” 

“Go find something to read from your shelf,” Ben ordered in his Dad Voice. “I’m getting you ice cream.” 

“And pretzels?” Rey asked in a tiny voice. 

“And pretzels.” 

**22 Weeks Pregnant**

“It would be impossible for my ankles to get any bigger,” Rey thought out loud. Part observation, part prayer, part explanation to Finn and Poe who were staring at her as she shoved her foot into a boot two sizes bigger than the ones she’d owned for years. 

“Well,” Poe shrugged. “Actually, our surrogate said…” 

“Shut up, babe,” Finn draped an arm around his husband. “Let me get these for you, Peanut.” 

“Nah,” Rey waved him off. “I got it.” 

“Come on,” Finn pulled out his wallet. “With the doctor’s appointments, and the baby stuff, and the fees for the insemination, I’m sure you’re feeling the strain.” 

Rey felt a twinge of guilt for her and Ben’s lie but knew it was for the best that they all think they never had sex. Finn was already so on the fence about her doing it. If he heard that they had slept together and that Rey occasionally dreamt about Ben Solo’s perfect dick he would never stop judging her. 

“Shit that was expensive,” Poe murmured. “I still think I should have just had sex with her.” 

“And for some reason, I’m glad you didn’t,” Finn rolled his eyes as he took the boots out of Rey’s hands. 

**26 Weeks Pregnant**

“I’m actually looking for someone to take over for me at work while I’m on leave,” Rey told Ben, Kaydel and Hux as they clustered together at Amma’s second birthday party by the cake pops. 

Surprising no one, Finn and Poe had gone overboard. The birthday was Amelia Earhart themed. Everything was covered in planes and Rey was even drinking a virgin Aviation. 

“I can ask around,” Kaydel offered. 

“Same,” Hux mumbled around the chocolate cake pop he was devouring. 

“The girl I’m hooking up with is looking,” Ben told her. “She’s very adept at Boss/Employee role playing so I’m sure she can handle it.” 

“Jesus,” Kaydel snorted, smacking Ben in the arm. 

Rey ignored the pang she felt in her chest. She assured herself it was just the pregnancy hormones and that Ben was the last person she had sex with. She was carrying his child, biologically speaking it was only natural to feel territorial. But that’s all it was. Biology. There was no reason to give these feelings any real weight. Plus, it’s not like she had any kind of exclusive claim to role playing with Ben. 

Ben looked at her, clearly noticing the flash of sadness across her face. Rey just smiled. 

“Changing the subject,” Kaydel interrupted. “Are you guys gonna cave and tell us the sex of the baby?” 

“Nope!” Rey answered for the millionth time. “I don’t want a bunch of pink shit or a bunch of blue shit. I just want our kid to be a kid free of—“ 

“The capitalist and misogynistic trappings of western gender roles,” Ben finished. “Everyone, Rey would like you to know she’s seen a documentary.” 

“Ben is just trying to get through my rant on the blue and pink stuff so he can monopolize the conversation with his crusade against yellow as a gender neutral color!” Rey teased. 

“Yellow is a shit color,” Ben argued, gesturing wildly to make his point. “And basically no one looks good in it.” 

“I look good in it,” Rey volunteered, smiling beatifically because she knew it would annoy him. 

“Well, you’re a freak of nature,” Ben grumbled, stealing her drink so he could have a sip without asking. 

“Get us green stuff, please,” Rey summarized to Kaydel and Hux who were staring at them like they were from Mars. 

**30 Weeks Pregnant**

“So it turns out she had a twin,” Rose whispered into Rey’s ears when she waddled back from the bathroom, ducking so she wouldn’t block the screen for anyone in the theater. “And that’s who’s body they found.” 

Rey raised her eyebrows and mouthed “wow.” 

Someone shushed them from behind and Rey felt bad. She’d had to duck out of the movie twice to go to the bathroom and Rose had been kind enough to update her on what she’d missed while she’d been gone. But she knew it might bother other people. And she didn’t want to be that person who was inconsiderate at the movies. 

She faced the screen and tried to get back into the movie. But suddenly they were all talking about this character she’d never heard of. Her cheeks prickled with a shameful blush as she turned to Rose and mouthed “who?” 

“Oh, that’s—“ 

“Shut up,” the guy behind them kicked Rey’s chair which was the wrong fucking move because— 

“Hey!” Finn turned around. “My friend is pregnant and she had to pee so you can calm the hell down.” 

“Finn,” Rey’s heart leapt into her throat and she tugged on his arm trying to get him to sit down. The last thing she needed was Finn picking a fight just because her baby is using her bladder like a beanbag chair. 

“My friend is growing life in her body and it is a miracle!” he yelled. A few people around him whooped. “What have you done, _sir?”_

She heard the chair kicker make a few inarticulate groans and Finn smiled at him politely before turning back around to face the screen. 

When he took his seat again Rey couldn’t help but smile. She put her head on his shoulder and he gave the top of her head a kiss. Rey felt safe and warm. She and her baby had so many people that loved them and were looking out for them. And with that in mind, Rey settled in to watch the rest of the movie in peace. 

Until she had to pee twenty minutes later. 

**32 Weeks Pregnant**

“You look tired, dude,” Ben hung his coat on one of the hooks in he and Poe’s shared office. “I thought Amma was sleeping through the night.” 

“She is, yeah,” Poe clung to his coffee mug like it was a lifeline. “We just had a late night call.” 

“Everything okay?” Ben asked, worried there was more to the story than Poe was letting on. 

“Yeah,” Poe drew the word out and Ben really knew he was hiding something. 

“Poe,” Ben used his Dad Voice, the one he found he was sliding into more and more lately. 

“It was Rey,” he admitted. “Finn didn’t want to wake me up but she had texted him and then he called her even though it was the middle of the night and… he had bought her these rain boots and I guess they don’t fit any more and she wanted to see if she could return them and get him his money back.” 

Ben sighed. He wished she would have called him instead. 

“She didn’t mean to wake us up,” Poe continued. “And she felt so guilty she started crying and. She says her feet and her ankles are swelling a ton and they hurt all the time and she just sounded like she’s really going through it.” 

Ben wanted to shove everything off of his desk he was so pissed at himself. He wanted to punch a wall until he broke his hand. Rey went to _someone else_ for help. Help about their baby. Their pregnancy. Their family. And of course she did, because he wasn’t reliable enough. 

He wanted to leave work and run to the nearest subway station so he can find her at her office. He’d burst through the doors and sweep her off her feet and tell her that those stupid boots Finn bought don’t matter. Because from now on, he’s going to carry her everywhere she needs to go. No shoes necessary. 

He wants to do this because she is _carrying his child_ and she is his _best friend_ and this is the _least he could fucking do for her. _

But as he thinks this, he realizes that perhaps it could come across as slightly intense and insane. So instead he send her a “how are you?” text and turns to ask Poe— 

“Does Finn still have the receipt for those?” 

*** 

That night he showed up at her door with a new pair of boots and newspaper to stuff the toes with. The second Rey saw him she burst into tears. 

“Hey,” he wrapped her in his arms. “Doll, it’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe. You’re okay, baby. I’ll get you anything you need. Anything. Any time.” 

**33 Weeks Pregnant**

_He was fucking her into the mattress, his breath hot on her neck. _

_“You like that, don’t you?” he growled in her ear. _

_“Yes,” she moaned, careful to not shove her face into the pillow and muffle her cries because she knew he’d punish her for it. And as fun as those punishments could be, she wanted to be good for him. _

_“Yes, what?” he asked, his voice stern. _

_“Yes, Daddy,” she groaned, unabashed. _

_“Fuck, baby you’re so tight for me,” he cupped her breasts from behind and her cunt clenched around him when the rough pads of his fingers rubbed over her nipples. _

_“Oh my God,” Rey tilted her hips up to meet his, giving him more room to thrust even deeper inside of her. “I’m gonna—“ _

And now she was awake again in the middle of her night, her thighs sticky, and her skin flushed. Because of Ben. Because she couldn’t stop dreaming about his stupid perfect cock. 

Rey’s eyes welled up with tears. How had she gotten here? She loved the baby inside her and didn’t regret what she and Ben were doing one bit. But there were so many feelings inside of her right now that she didn’t know how to deal with. If she had a husband, she could ask him to help. But she was alone. 

Or was she? 

**REY: Hey Guys, I’ve been thinking about how to ask this delicately but I’m waking up in the middle of the night almost EVERY night with vivid sex dreams. Did you guys find a way to deal with that? **

**ROSE: Armie and I had a method that’s going to be tough for you to employ. **

**PHASMA: Sending you some links for some equipment Kay and I used when I was having to travel a bunch to open the LA office. **

**KAYDEL: lol**

**KAYDEL: Rey, I’ll keep you out of suspense it’s remote controlled sex toys. I used them a lot when I was too pregnant to do my normal “self care” routine.**

**ROSE: I’ll link you some fan fic I crib from when I run out of ideas for sexting**

**REY: You guys are lifesavers**

**GWEN: Yes, we’re very brave indeed to help you masturbate**

**GWEN: I meant that sarcastically but also in a sex positive way**

**GWEN: I don’t know what emojis would have conveyed that**

Thanks to express shipping Rey was tiring herself out into dreamless sleep in less than 48 hours. 

**35 Weeks Pregnant**

Ben let himself into Rey’s apartment to drop off some Ben and Jerry’s he’d gotten for her on the way home. They had actually had Half Baked— the flavor Rey craved almost constantly, that most bodegas were always out of, so he’d bought… all of it. Like too much of it to fit in his freezer alone. 

But when he opened the door he heard something. 

For a second he thought Rey was calling out to him and he opened his mouth to answer her but then. 

That was a moan. 

And another moan. 

And a “Yes!” 

Oh God. 

This is why people knock. 

Ben sprinted for the door, shut it behind him as quietly as possible, and decided he would throw out everything in his freezer to make her ice cream fit. 

**36 Weeks Pregnant**

**REY: Do happy tears count?**

**BEN: The deal was you check in whenever you cry or feel like you’re going to cry. **

**REY: The other assistants at work surprised me with a going away cake and I burst into tears. **

**BEN: That’s so nice. Don’t let Plutt have any. **

**REY: They got strawberry filling in it because they know he’s allergic.**

**BEN: oh my god**

**BEN: That’s fucking brilliant**

**REY: I know! How could I not cry?**

**BEN: I’m tearing up at my desk. **

**REY: You’re not! **

**BEN: You think you’re the only one who’s emotional?**

**REY: Will you pick me up from work tonight?**

**BEN: Of course, Doll. See you then. Save me a slice of cake?**

**REY: No promises. **

When Ben picked Rey up that night she had one slice of cake for him in a to go box that she offered him with a proud smile. 

“This was the best I could do,” she told him. “It took literally all my willpower not to eat it.” 

“Want to split it when we get home?” he asked. 

“God, yes,” 

**37 Weeks Pregnant**

“This shower is just beautiful,” Leia gushed, looking around at the mint green and gold decorations Rose had placed all around Ben’s apartment. 

“Rose did a great job,” Ben agreed, wrapping an arm around Rey’s waist so she could lean on him. He knew this long on her feet was usually a little tough. But she hated to complain. 

Rey rested her head on his shoulder, understanding his gesture completely. And Ben felt his mouth go dry in horror when he saw his mother’s eyes light up at the sight of this intimate gesture. 

“So,” Leia’s voice was innocent but her wolfish grin gave her away. “You guys are sure about this… platonic co-parenting thing? I mean, Rey, look at him. He’s very handsome.” 

“Almost too handsome, really,” Rey replied smoothly, more than used to Leia’s attempts to get them together. “Makes me feel like a troll.” 

Ben looked to his father for help but he was more interested in the pigs in a blanket he’d grabbed off the buffet table. 

“I will smack you,” Leia warmed. “You are young and pregnant and glowing. Men should be fighting in an arena for your favor.” 

“And Ben’s not much of a fighter, so…” Rey trailed off, so clearly enjoying her chance to torture him. 

“Ask Peter King who I gave a black eye in the tenth grade, if I’m a fighter,” Ben grumbled. 

“Do you have his number?” Rey asked. “He sounds hot.” 

Han barked a laugh and Leia glared at him, disapprovingly. 

“Lay off of them, Leia,” Han chided her, trying to regain the upper hand. “They’re practically brother and sister. This kid was made in a test tube because _that_ is how not interested in each other they are. Just be excited we get a grandkid and Rey’s stuck with us.” 

Rey took this opportunity to push her weight off of Ben’s side. He looked over and saw her cheeks turning red. He thanked his lucky stars he hadn’t had time to get a hair cut, meaning his ears were covered. If Leia smelled blood in the water, she would pounce. 

“Well,” Leia nodded. “If you’re doing it because you can’t afford a ring, I have a diamond from grandma for you.” 

“Mom!” Ben groaned at the same time Rey asked “How big is it?” with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. 

**38 Weeks Pregnant**

“Are you sure this isn’t annoying?” Rey asked as Ben settled into bed behind her. 

“I promise it’s not,” Ben wrapped an arm around her waist and let his hand settle on her belly. 

“You feel so good,” she groaned. “You’re like a human weighted blanket.” 

“The first thing I hear in bed a lot,” Ben pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, thoughtlessly. “The second thing, not so much.” 

“The baby’s wiggling around,” Rey sighed. “Must like your voice.” 

“If this is you trying to pawn off story time on me forever,” Ben joked, enjoying the feeling of Rey laughing against his chest. “Think again. Our kid is getting Harry Potter read to them in a British accent and that’s that.” 

“Thank you for sleeping with me,” Rey’s voice was small and vulnerable. 

“I get that a lot, too,” Ben couldn’t help himself. 

“No,” Rey insisted. “Really. I was tossing and turning so much and having you here… it helps.” 

“Of course,” Ben inhaled, taking in the smell of Rey’s hair and feeling not put out in the slightest. “I wish we’d tried it sooner.” 

The thought that she was suffering and he could have helped for any amount of time filled him with shame. This fatherhood thing was no joke. 

“Me too.” 

**40 Weeks Pregnant **

Ben groaned in her ear, stirring her from sleep. For a second, Rey was certain she was having another sex dream. She relaxed herself, deciding to just ride this one out but then. 

“Rey did you just pee the bed or…” 

“Oh my God,” Rey clapped her hand over her mouth. 

“I’ll get the go bags,” Ben leapt out of bed. “It’s Baby Day!” 

“Baby Day,” Rey repeated, dazed. Pushing herself up to a sitting position. 

Seconds later, Ben was kneeling at the bedside with both their weekend bags. His hair was all over the place but his eyes were alert. 

“I’ll get us a car,” he told her, his voice low and soothing. 

“Okay,” Rey nodded… feeling the reality of what was happening start to dawn on her. 

“Doll?” Ben asked, his tone worried. 

Rey grinned so wide it hurt her cheeks. 

“We’re having a baby!” 

**Two Hours After Labor**

“Guys,” Rey looked at all of her friends, who were in various states of disarray. “This is Hope.” 

They all looked at the baby, cradled in her arms. She was pink and tiny. Their little bean. Rey had kissed her little fingers a thousand times and she hadn’t even been alive a day. Finn’s eyes were watery and Phasma was crying openly, clutching Kaydel’s hand. 

“I’m only human,” she sniffed. 

“She’s perfect,” Armie marveled at her. 

“You did it, Peanut,” Finn beamed at her and Rey was so thankful for every person in this room. But her daughter most of all. 

She yawned, every part of her body begging for rest. But Rey shook it off. She forced herself to keep her eyes open. 

“Why don’t we let Rey rest?” Ben asked, everyone, his voice soft. 

“But—“ she protested even though sleep was all she wanted. 

“No one gets in the way of me taking care of my girls,” Ben’s voice was warm and stern, the perfect Dad Voice. “Not even my girls.” 

She laughed and let him take Hope out of her arms. Her heart ached a bit to lose the feeling of her warm body against her chest. But seeing Hope in Ben’s arms soothed any bad feeling inside her immediately. Hope was safe with him. Hope belonged to and with them both. 

“You’ve been hogging her for like nine months,” he joked. “I want my turn.” 

Finn tucked Rey’s blanket in around her and gave her a kiss on the forehead. 

“You’re a mom, now,” he whispered into her hair. “You’re gonna crush it.” 

Too tired to even thank him for those kind words, Rey let her eyes flutter closed. 

“She’s fucking perfect,” she heard Ben whisper as she drifted off to sleep. 

“You two are gonna have to stop swearing so much,” Armie chided. 

“Oh yeah,” Ben agreed. “But not for a while.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full Disclosure: I have never been pregnant so... I hope all of this rings true enough. If anyone has suggestions of what kind of stories they'd like to see on Rey's shelf sound off in the comments :)


	8. Triangle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben adjust to parenthood. Ben struggles with his not entirely platonic feelings for the mother of his child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for going so long without an update! Holidays and life have been making it hard to find time for these two dorks-- no matter how much I love them! Please enjoy Mom Rey and Dad Ben and the return of Rey's erotica shelf!

”I know I’m biased but we have the best kid,” Ben whispered to Rey. They were huddled on her bed around Hope who was sleeping on her back clutching her blanket in her tiny little hands. 

“I can’t imagine a better one,” Rey agreed. “Like… Hope is _funny._ How many babies are funny? She does goofy faces. She’s polite. She greets everyone who visits her in her own special way.” 

“Like when she threw up on Hux,” Ben took his eyes off his daughter to give Rey a mischievous grin. 

“See?” Rey giggled softly. “Funny. Like I said.” 

She lay her head back down on her pillow and watched Hope’s chest rise and fall. The two of them looked so perfect. Bathed in soft light. Unintentionally matching with Rey’s denim shirt and Hope’s soft blue onesie. 

_His girls in blue. _

Ben beamed at them and he could actually feel his eyes filling with tears as she watched them. Knowing if he took out his camera to take a picture, Rey would get self conscious and start posing or Hope would wake up and this perfect moment would be ruined. He’d just have to remember it. Exactly as it was. Exactly how it felt. 

“You have thinking face,” Rey’s voice brought him back to earth. 

“Ah, just one of the million impossibly sappy thoughts I’ve had since becoming a dad,” Ben shrugged it off, not sure he could articulate it properly. Worried it might sound dumb. 

“Indulge me,” her voice was warm, it was Rey… there was nothing he couldn’t tell her. 

“Uh, well, just…” Ben braced himself. Saying whatever was on his mind was rarely a problem for him. It’s just that nowadays, the stuff on his mind felt bigger. More vulnerable. Thoughts he felt like he should hoard close to his chest and not let anyone else touch. 

He shook his head. 

“Everything I need is in this room,” he admitted. “You and Hope. You’re just… it for me, you know?” 

“Buddy,” Rey sighed, her eyes welling up just like his. “That’s— I just. Me too, you know?” 

“It keeps like, smacking me in the face,” he told her, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his chest. “How I’d do anything for this. For us. Our little triangle.” Rey put a hand over her heart. 

“Our _triangle,”_ her voice broke a little and one of her tears escaped down her cheek. “I can’t believe you almost didn’t tell me that.” 

He brushed the tear off her cheek and felt his hand shaking. This was absolutely the most intimate he’d ever been with any person. And thank god it was Rey. His family. Someone who wouldn’t go. Someone he couldn’t fuck this up with like he’d done with so many other people in his life. 

“Come on,” he shrugged it off, trying to lighten the mood. “Like you don’t have secrets?” 

“Maybe some,” she raised an eyebrow, clearly attempting to look mysterious. Then she sighed and looked up at the ceiling, bracing herself for something. “I kept things from you… during the pregnancy.” 

“Like what?” 

“Sometimes it was harder than I let on,” she admitted. “To you, or to anyone. Most of it… was incredible. And you were amazing. You did everything I asked. But some stuff I was too scared to ask for.” 

“Doll, I had no idea,” Ben shut his eyes and mentally kicked himself. He should have known better. He thought about the times he would look at Rey and see a flicker of… something. He didn’t want to push or intrude by asking. But he should have. It was supposed to be what he was there for. 

“Because I didn’t _tell_ you,” Rey insisted. “And most of it was… private. But I should have asked you for help. When you started sleeping over at the end, I realized it was dumb not to ask you for stuff. We love each other. We’re best friends and we’re partners… if I’d do it for you, you’d do it for me.” 

“And Rey, there’s not much I wouldn’t do for you,” he told her, hoping it sounded like the promise it was. 

“How about a family photo shoot where we all wear yellow sweaters?” Rey teased. 

“If it’s what you wanted,” Ben shrugged. “Even though it’s insane and we’ll look like the yellow Teletubbie.” 

“That’s La La, you idiot,” Rey admonished him barely keeping a straight face. 

“How do you even know that?” Ben asked before bursting into a fit of silent laughter. 

“Might have looked into it as a family halloween costume,” Rey shrugged. 

“That is not our first family Halloween costume,” Ben looked absolutely scandalized. “I won’t allow it.” 

Rey rolled her eyes at him. 

“Whatever Tinkie Winkie.” 

“Hey,” his voice softened. “If you want to talk to me about… whatever it is you were scared to talk to me about. I’m here. I just— I’m not pressuring you. But I hope you won’t keep stuff from me if it’s stuff I can help with. Or even if it isn’t and you just want someone to listen. You know?” 

“I know,” she covered her eyes. “I was just really… keyed up? Like my hormones were all over the place and…” 

Rey was blushing profusely at this point but she pressed on, looking over Ben’s shoulder rather than right at him. 

“I didn’t exactly feel comfortable hooking up with people I didn’t really know while a small child was growing inside of me,” she continued. “So I kind of just… went, umm, unfulfilled in that way. Which wasn’t always easy. For some reason calling your best friend turned baby daddy and saying ‘I’m so horny I’m crawling the walls of my apartment’ was difficult for me. So I just didn’t. And it fucked with my sleep patterns a bit and eventually I figured it out…” 

Ben remembered the moaning he’d heard when he’d let himself into the apartment with ice cream. Had she found someone to hook up with? For some reason that made him feel kind of sick. 

Of course it did. Rey was his best friend. His family. It’s like thinking about someone having sex with his sister. 

_If that’s true, then you have had sex with your sister, dude _ a voice in his head reminded him. 

“But I’m feeling a lot better now,” she assured him, clearly sensing the worry all over his face. 

“Rey, I’m so sorry,” Ben didn’t know what else to say. He knew they joked a lot about sex and her lack of it and his wealth of it. Suddenly, a bunch of their usual jokes seemed extremely insensitive. 

“Please don’t apologize,” Rey grimaced, always hating to burden anyone with her feelings. “I’m okay now. Like… there kind of isn’t room in my mind for that kind of stuff right now. And not in a bad way just… I feel full.” 

“I feel full too,” Ben admitted. “But I just— I wish you’d have told me. I could have helped.” 

“Oh come on, Ben,” Rey shook her head, grinning. “I wasn’t _that_ desperate.” 

And before Ben could even understand why that joke— a joke he had set her up for perfectly without realizing it— didn’t seem so funny to him, Hope was waking up wailing. 

“Is that her food cry or her diaper cry?” Rey asked, immediately going into Mom Mode. 

“That’s a diaper cry,” Ben scooped Hope up in his arms, and carried her towards the changing table. “I’m on it.” 

*** 

_I’m a terrible fucking person, _Ben thought. Not for the first time that day. 

“Do I have spit up on my shirt?” Rey asked, following his gaze to her chest. 

“Nope,” Ben heard his voice go up an octave as he lied to the mother of his child. “Just zoning out.” 

“Did Hope keep you up last night?” Rey asked, her nose crinkling as she squished up her face in sympathy. 

“No more than usual,” Ben shrugged and busied himself with the onesies they were folding, trying to weed out the newborn sizes Hope had already grown out of in the mere two months she’d been alive. Maybe thoughts of his daughter would keep him from staring at his best friends nipples as they poked through her too small nursing bra. 

Here was the thing about Rey’s breasts. 

When she was breastfeeding Hope, they were vessels of life-giving nutrients that would make his precious and perfect daughter grow up big and strong. There was nothing sexual about them. Watching Rey feed their daughter and brush the tiny little baby curls off of her forehead as she suckled brought out something primal in him. One time the Fed Ex guy came while Rey was nursing Hope and Ben felt the base urge to rip the man’s throat out and keep him away from his women like he was a gorilla rather than a fairly well paid advertising executive. 

But other times… 

There were sexual things about the other times. 

Like when she wore a particularly deep v neck or when she bent over to grab the remote so they could keep watching Elite. 

Or she bragged about going up two whole cup sizes. 

And when it turned out the UPS guy was actually delivering her a box full of pink and black lace to try on. 

In summation. Rey Breastfeeding: _emotional, life affirming, nurturing._ The top of Rey’s new black lace bra peeking out from under her tank top: _sexy, hot, sex, sex with Rey, really good sex with Rey. _

Like Ben had said. He felt more ape than man. 

The last couple of months had been amazing. Ben had never felt more fulfilled than he did now that Hope was here. Now that he and Rey were raising a new person. Everything in his life felt magical. He found himself on the subway, coming back from work and wondering: what would Hope think of that when she was older? When would he get to show her more of the world? How soon until he was home with her and Rey? 

But there was one— problem wasn’t the word— hiccup? There was a hiccup. Ben wasn’t having sex. For like… months. 

This was bordering on monk-like behavior for him. But even when he did open an app for some absent minded swiping… he just didn’t want to be with anyone other than his family. 

Even on nights that weren’t his, he’d go down to Rey’s and hang out. Making her dinner while she changed diapers or sung her to sleep— off key. Streaming dumb TV shows and learning about what adorable thing he’d missed while he was stuck at work. 

Plutt was out of town this week so Rey had given their nanny time off. Their very sweet, very old, very gay nanny, Maz Kanata. Because Rey wasn’t taking any chances. 

“You don’t get to fuck our nanny,” she had told him curtly the second a particularly gorgeous interview candidate had left his apartment when they were interviewing. 

And Rey was totally right. If Graciella had worked for them, Ben would have probably struggled to maintain a fully professional relationship with her. And when he’d sent her what he hoped was a polite email telling her she hadn’t gotten the job but he’d be happy to go to drinks sometime if she was free… he found himself deleting that post script because as beautiful as she was, she couldn’t possibly be more fun or more interesting than staying at home with his girls. 

“I fell asleep in your bath tub today,” Rey told him. “Hope that’s alright.” 

“If Hope was not with you that is the first time a woman has been alone in there,” Ben plucked a green newborn onesie Kaydel had gotten them that had the words “I’M BABY” emblazoned on the chest. He knew Rey wasn’t going to want to part with it because she had taken approximately 200 pictures of Hope wearing it. 

“Well, the inaugural _solo_ voyage— get it— was extremely relaxing,” Rey informed him. “So thank you.” 

Images of a wet, soapy Rey sighing as she leaned back in his tub flooded her mind. He imagined the slivers of her tanned skin that would be visible through the bubbles. A bit of leg, her adorable toes, the tops of her breasts. 

_Rey’s Breasts. Sex. Sex with Rey. _

Ben needed to get laid and put an end to this shit. 

“You alright, Solo?” Rey prodded him in the ribs. “I cleaned the tub after. Well, kind of. Okay, I didn’t. But I will if you want me to.” 

“It’s not that,” Ben shook his head. “I just… we can talk about stuff, right?” 

“You saw a baby emerge from my vagina,” Rey deadpanned. “So I think the mystery is rather gone from our relationship, yes.” 

“Still kegel-ing in anticipation of returning to the dating world?” Ben asked before he could stop himself from continuing to focus on his best friend’s vagina. 

“As we speak,” Rey shrugged. “But what’s going on with you? Spill.” 

Ben hesitated. 

“Don’t make me beat it out of you,” she urged, mostly joking. 

“I miss sex,” Ben blurted out. “There’s no… room for it. You know? I want to spend every waking moment with Hope and you but—“ 

“You’re horny,” Rey finished his sentence for him. “And you feel guilty about it because you think you should be focusing on your kid, not yourself. You know I’ve been there.” 

“So what did you do?” Ben asked, feeling himself turn red. Never in his life has he had to ask Rey for sex or sex-adjacent advice. 

“Promise not to judge?” she asked. 

“Umm…” Ben considered it. Judging each other was kind of a big component of this relationship. Mostly in a fun way. Rey was likely about to give him some prime joke material. Would it really be worth it? 

“I’ll wait,” Rey crossed her arms. 

“Okay, fine,” Ben relented. “I will not… _visibly _ or _audibly_ judge you.” 

“You are so lucky I’m really fucking nice,” Rey pushed herself up off the couch and offered Ben her hand. 

He looked up at her. In her messy bun and yoga pants she was dressed for a day in. Motherhood suited her. She was so relaxed and open. Even though she had more responsibility than ever, it seemed like a huge weight had been lifted off of her. Just looking at her made him smile. 

He took her hand and let her lead him to the bedroom. 

“Ummm,” Ben couldn’t help but let his eyes linger over Rey’s unmade bed. Exactly, what kind of method for reliving sexual tension was she about to show him. 

_Bed. Sex. Sex with Rey. _

Ben clenched his teeth and willed his palm not to sweat while Rey was still holding on to it. 

“Ta da!” 

Rather than grab him and ravage him on the bed, Rey was gesturing to a tiny bookshelf by her bed with little wooden doors obscuring the titles. She opened them to reveal a series of multicolored and cracked paperback spines. 

“The magic of reading was able to replace orgasms given to you by hands other than your own,” Ben stared at her blankly. “I’m not sure if that’s going to—“ 

As Ben scanned the titles he trailed off. _I’ll Have What She’s Having. Stay Hungry. Smooth Operator. Call Out My Name. Hands On. Sparks Fly. Lights Off Don’t Stop. Make it Up To Me. _

“Is this your erotica shelf?” Ben felt like a kid on Christmas morning. “Like these are the books about virgins getting scooped up by princes that you read when you—“ 

“You promised not to make fun,” Rey cut him off, clearly smug about finding a loophole. “Reading this stuff allows for some rise and fall. Some build up before—“ 

“You come?” Ben offered, unable to resist. 

“If you want to be that bald about it, yes,” Rey grimaced. “The stuff you’re missing. The chase, human connection, intimacy—“ 

“Gross.” 

“I hate you,” Rey snorted a laugh. “But, _ as I was saying,_ a lot of the stuff you’re missing just hanging out with your hand… that stuff is in here. So, would you like to borrow one of my books?” 

“I mean, I’ll try anything once,” Ben shrugged, enjoying making Rey wince as he let his fingers trail along the spines of her secret collection. 

*** 

**BEN: Do you have any more fake dating books? **

**REY: Jesus. **

**REY: Remember ONE WEEK ago when you were making fun of me? **

**BEN: Rey. That was forever ago. I was a different person. I hadn’t read Head Over Feet yet. **

**REY: FINE **

**REY: Come down and I’ll lend you something new. **

*** 

_“The Heart Awakens_ what’s this?” Ben picked up an uncharacteristically not pink book off Rey’s shelf. 

“Uh, that one kind of sucks,” Rey tried to swipe it from his hands, a crinkle instantly forming between her brows. 

Ben held the book high over her head— perks of having short friends— and studied it. The cover looked pretty sci-fi. It featured a broad strapping guy with dark hair and a scar running down his face. He sported a brooding scowl rather than the traditional faraway romantic look. Ben could get on this guy’s level. He was flanked by a brunette in almost steampunk-like goggles with overalls and a mousy bun and an absurdly sexually drawn green alien girl with a literally impossible breasts-to-waist ratio. 

“Written by Skye Walker,” Ben read aloud just to make Rey squirm some more. “Does this have tentacle stuff? Is that why you’re scared to let me read it?” 

“No!” Rey’s cheeks were turning redder by the second and Ben found that he couldn’t stop smiling. “I just… there are others I’d recommend over it it. I dunno.” 

“Alright, Doll,” Ben shrugged, handing the book back to her. “Give me whichever one you want.” 

“You can have that one,” Rey shook her head, avoiding eye contact. “Just umm, you know. Return it or I’ll charge you a late fee. I’m gonna check on Hope. If she sleeps too late I’ll be up all night.” 

*** 

_Kylo had tried to back up as much as possible to give her space in the alcove they had ducked into. But quarters were so close that her breasts brushed his chest with breath she took. He raised his gaze to the ceiling. Part of him prayed they’d be caught so this agony would be over. _

_He listened for the guards— Snoke called them his Troopers. He could hear their steps but were they approaching or retreating? _

_But all thoughts of impending death left his mind when Kira’s hands snaked up his sides and found themselves on his broad chest. He locked eyes with her. He desperately tried to keep himself from looking at her emerald green fingers as they explored the planes of his body causing his cock to twitch entirely against his will. _

_“What are you doing?” he choked out, hoping his voice was quiet enough not to attract undue attention. _

_“Giving you motivation,” she whispered in his ear. “I want you to push them away. With your mind.” _

_“I haven’t been able to do that,” he got out through gritted teeth. _

_“Perhaps you’ve just never wanted it enough,” Kira’s tongue darted out of her mouth to wet her lips and Kylo knew he must be more than half hard right now. Could she feel him against her thigh? _

_She pressed her palm into the center of his chest and Kylo’s bit his bottom lip so hard he was close to drawing blood. He honestly had no idea if he could do this. _

_“Push,” she crooned, letting her palm drift lower and lower with a promise in her eyes Kylo hoped to hell she would keep. “Give us some time alone.” _

_Kylo clenched his fists, embracing rather than trying to ignore the trail of fire Kira was painting down his torso with her touch. His cock was straining through his pants and he could feel sweat beading at his temple as he channeled everything he had into collecting his power until it thrummed through his veins. Suddenly he could sense the Troopers down the hall as clearly as if he could see through the walls. _

“Walk away,” _he willed. _“Check the other side of the ship.” 

_He could sense the troopers confusion. And for a second he was instantly elated he’d finally done something that had eluded him for years and horrified he’d been too forceful in his mental attack. But after a beat of confusion he distinctly heard one of them bark… “With me” as he lead the quartet of Troopers away to the exact end of the ship he’d willed them to. _

_His eyes flickered back to Kira who was grinning at him, her pupils blown. Her hand was at the waistband of his pants now and there was no concealing how hard he was. Kira’s hand dipped inside and Kylo gasped at the feeling of hand other than his own stroking his cock. _

_“Kira,” he choked out. “You don’t have to.” _

_“I want to,” she insisted, pumping him slowly. His hips jerked reflexively and he fucked her hand for a few strokes causing Kira to sigh. _

_“When’s the last time someone— _

_“A year or so,” he admitted. “Back in school. Another girl and I—“ _

_Kira completely robbed him of speech when she sank to her knees in front of him, parting her lips. _

_“And did she…” he trailed off, looking up at him sweetly. _

_Kylo shook his head. _

_“Can I?” she let her teeth sink into her bottom lip and looked up at him hungrily. Like she actually wanted to take him into her mouth. Like it was killing her that she wasn’t already. _

_“Please.” _

_She took the base of his cock in her hand and lapped at the precum beading at the tip. Kylo threw his head back, hitting it harder than he meant to on the wall behind him but it didn’t matter. He shut his eyes and just let himself feel her hot, wet tongue licking a stripe up the bottom of him. _

_“Look at me, Kylo,” she murmured against his shaft. _

_He forced his eyes open. His heart was hammering in his chest so loud he wondered if she could hear it. She had to feel it. _

_“I’m going to take you in my mouth,” she told him, lips brushing against his tip. “Don’t worry about how long you last, alright? Because I really, really am looking forward to swallowing your cum.” _

_And with that she closed her lips around him and sunk down. It was an assault on his senses. A thousand sensations at once. Her hair tickling his thighs— when had his pants come all the way off? Her lips gliding up and down the length of him. Her tongue swirling around the tip of his cock. _

_And through all of it, her eyes never left his. And the way she looked at him was enough to— _

_“Kira,” he groaned. “I’m gonna—“ _

_She hummed against him, pushing further taking him into her_ throat. _And before Kylo knew it he was finished. Emptying himself into her mouth. He could feel her swallow around him and if he could come more he would have. _

_He watched Kira in a daze as she licked him clean and pulled his pants back up. She was so graceful, so sure of herself. Maybe this meant absolutely nothing to her but Kylo couldn’t help but feel like he’d go to the ends of the galaxy for this girl if she’d let him. _

_“Pretty sure there’s two escape pods down the hall,” Kira wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, eyes sparkling. “I’ll go first. Until next time, Ren.” And with that, she left. Her hips swishing as she walked down the hall of the star destroyer. _

“Thanks so much for that, by the way,” _a voice flickered into his mind. As if someone was standing right beside him, speaking into his ear. It was a distinctly female voice. And she was clearly annoyed. _

“What the hell?” _he thought, letting out a quiet yelp of confusion. He looked around and all he could see was a completely deserted hallway. There was no one who could possibly be speaking to him. _

“Looks like I found my bond mate,” _the voice continued in his ear._ “And lucky me. He’s a horny mess who thinks with his cock rather than his brain.” 

_Bond mate? Now that his powers had finally manifested and reached maturity was he really… connected to someone? But it was so rare! Bond Mates took many forms. Best friends, enemies, and sometimes lovers. It was a powerful connection that must be tended to and managed on both sides. It was a kind of intimacy that connected two people for life whether they wanted it or not. _

“I’m Kylo,” _he fell over himself to mentally introduce himself. _“Sorry we had to meet like this. I’m usually not—“ 

“Save it,” she cut him off and while he couldn’t see the eye roll he could hear it. _“I’m Daisy. I guess we should try to meet and figure this out.” _

_  
_

Ben put the book down. _ Daisy._ The name Rey had used the night they conceived Hope. Was that why Rey hadn’t wanted him reading this? Because she’d stollen the name and she didn’t want him remembering their time together? 

Was she really that embarrassed of the night they’d slept together that she couldn’t bear to remind him or herself of it? 

Ben felt a throbbing pit of guilt forming in his stomach. If Rey knew how he’d been feeling. The thoughts he’d been having. She’d be horrified. 

He needed to find someone else. He needed to fuck her right out of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you were really mad at Ben last chapter. I felt guilty that I didn't show his side of things enough. So I slowed things down a little and tried to give you some more of his POV. Also I increased the chapter count because... the burn is getting slower by the second! 
> 
> And yes, I named the books on Rey's erotica shelf after a bunch of my favorite Reylo stories (especially the ones with innuendo loaded names). If you're looking for more-- and let's be honest, better-- stuff to read, please check these out. 
> 
> [I'll Have What She's Having](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16239074) by slipgoingunder  
[Stay Hungry](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15769629/chapters/36682683)  
by jeeno2  
[Smooth Operator](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20499428/chapters/48648128)  
by KyloTrashForever  
[Call Out My Name](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15025514/chapters/34832480)  
by PoetHrotsvitha and t0bemadeofglass  
[Hands On](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20075470/chapters/47546104)  
by KyloTrashForever  
[Sparks Fly](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16245923/chapters/37980908)  
by SageMcMae  
[Lights Off Don't Stop](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14018685/chapters/32284626)  
by t0bemadeofglass  
[Make It Up To Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9721214) by ReyloTrashCompactor (NextToSomething)
> 
> Until next time, folks! You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/cinemariel)


	9. Spoilers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben invite their friends over for brunch to show off how amazing they are at being new parents. But maybe they're a little too amazing at doing it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY FRIENDS! I'm sorry it's been so long. I've had most of this written for a while... initially I wanted this chapter to be quite a bit longer but I've been held up with so much at work. We're heading into our angsty patch so I wanted to give you as much cute stuff as I could before we get a bit more serious. 
> 
> To everyone who's been reading, leaving kudos, and commenting... thank you. It means so, so much to me. I really love this story and the reylo fandom and I hope you keep enjoying this!

**KAYDEL: Okay, when I said we were fifteen minutes out, looks like I meant 45 minutes out. So… we’ll be fifteen minutes late. **

**KAYDEL: At least**

**POE: We’ll be half an hour late. Please don’t judge. I have had to take two showers this morning because Amma went full Linda Blair RIGHT after I put in my pomade. **

**HUX: Well, WE’RE here early because my wife is superhuman. **

**GWEN: How is it?**

**FINN: Is Ben’s place a total volcano? **

**POE: Speaking as his frequent roommate, I doubt it. The boy is NEAT. **

**POE: Like Patrick Bateman neat. **

**FINN: All the mess must be hiding in Rey’s place. She is less neat. **

**HUX: Both places are IMMACULATE. We’re brunching at Ben’s but Rey took us down to her place to show off Hope’s second room. She converted that little office nook. **

**KAYDEL: Awww **

**GWEN: For real? I left a dead lightbulb in our kitchen for FOUR MONTHS after Grant was born. **

**KAYDEL: Babe it was at least six months. **

**GWEN: You could have changed it, darling. **

**KAYDEL: I’m NOT TALL ENOUGH **

The party was largely going off without a hitch. Rey knew that her friends meant well but they were a judgmental bunch. It came from a place of love— at least that’s what Rey tried to remind herself. 

Rey and Ben knew they’d been MIA for a little too long while they were adjusting to the whole parenthood thing. They’d been canceling on drinks, brunches, and book clubs more often than not and they’d decided that they should try to see everyone all at once. Get their situation out in the open. 

They were new parents and they were fucking killing it. 

“Hey love,” Rey breathed, face to face with Ben. 

“Hey right back,” Ben winked at her and Rey rolled her eyes. 

“Wasn’t talking to you, dork,” she leaned down to kiss Hope— who was strapped to Ben’s chest— on the nose repeatedly. 

“Stop making out with our daughter,” Ben teased. 

“Stop being jealous that she got all her cuteness from me and maybe I will,” Rey fired back, sticking her tongue out at Ben. 

“How is this place so clean?” Rose asked, looking a bit dazed as she explored Ben’s apartment. 

“Our nanny’s amazing,” Ben admitted. 

“But it’s mostly Ben,” Rey chimed in. “He’s absurdly neat.” 

“It’s not my fault you’re like a messy sitcom husband,” Ben poked her in the side and Rey squealed. 

Just as planned, everyone rolled in within the first hour. They rounded up all the kids in Hope’s room, put on some Elmo, and poured the mimosas. Poe and Finn were spectacularly late but extremely apologetic. Seeing Finn’s face when he saw how clean the place was did kind of rule. Rey had been the most worried about Finn’s reaction to their new voyage into parenthood. He was the toughest sell on all of this stuff. And Rey knew that was just out of the desire to protect her but… it could still feel like a lot of pressure. 

After Finn complimented the quiche Rey had made for the third time after his second mimosa, Ben took her hand and squeezed it tightly. When she looked over at him and saw the gentle smile he was giving her, an “I told you so” look that was totally free of ego she felt an overwhelming desire to tell everyone to get out so she could just be with him. 

That should have been her first clue something was wrong. 

“This is pretty shocking, guys,” Phasma admitted, never one to mince words. “Are you secretly replicants or something?” 

“No, just perfect parents,” Ben shot back. “Turns out it’s not that hard.” 

“Fuck off,” Kaydel smiled at him sweetly. 

“What the father of my child is _trying_ to say,” Rey steered the conversation in a more productive direction. “Is we’ve found a routine. It took a while but, I feel really good and I think he does too.” 

“That’s great,” Finn beamed at her. “I’m really happy to hear that.” 

“Thanks,” Rey sniffed, refusing to get worked up on a day this nice. 

“How’s being back at work?” Poe asked her, shoveling quiche into his mouth. 

“Miserable but less miserable than I thought it would be,” Rey answered. “I hate Plutt more than ever and miss Hope like crazy. But Maz, our nanny, is a genius. She brings Hope by whenever she can— she just kind of loudly insists that she loves her Uncle Unkar and… it guilts him into keeping my hours reasonable.” 

“And how many New Mommies have you found for Hope, Ben?” Gwen teased. 

“None, actually,” Ben told her. “I haven’t been on a single date since becoming a dad.” 

Hux snorted and Ben glared at him. 

“Wait, you’re serious?” Hux spluttered, eyes widening. 

“Have your balls exploded yet?” Finn asked, unable to keep from piling on. 

“I think he’s found ways to cope,” Rey waggled her eyebrows at Ben, suggestively. “Haven’t you Ben?” 

Ben gave her a panicky look and Rey enjoyed dangling the thought that she might out him as a huge fan of paperback erotica in front of all their friends. 

“I’m meditating,” Ben blurted out, changing the subject. 

“Is _that_ what the kids are calling it these days?” Poe guffawed at him. 

**FINN: WHAT WAS THAT??? **

**KAYDEL: FOR REAL ARE THEY BANGING OR WHAT? **

**GWEN: all of you need to stop using all caps **

**GWEN: but yes they had a very sexual energy at that brunch **

**POE: Thanks for keeping it real, Gwen **

**HUX: Aren’t you supposed to be working on a deposition? **

**GWEN: This is why I hate this group text. **

“I thought that went pretty well, right?” Rey asked, as Ben brought her an entirely too tall stack of dishes he somehow managed to get into the sink without shattering them. 

“Besides you almost outing me and my new reading habits, yeah,” Ben answered her, swatting her with a dish towel as he settled at her side to dry. 

“And how is the _meditating_ coming?” Rey teased, rinsing the soap suds out of a champagne flute. 

“Well, Kylo Ren is the one coming if you know what I mean,” Ben held out his hand to high five and Rey couldn’t help but oblige him, splattering them both with water droplets as they laughed. 

Rey got into a nice rhythm dish-wise and settled into a rare companionable silence with Ben. She felt so weirdly happy. She couldn’t stop smiling if you paid her and she knew her new family was the reason. 

“Can I say something?” she asked, looking up at her upsettingly tall best friend. 

“Sure,” Ben looked down at her, relaxed and open. So present and available. She couldn’t have asked for a better partner in all this. 

“When we agreed to do this,” Rey explained, forcing herself to look at him rather than the dishes in her hands. “If you had asked me what it would be like this many months in… I’d assume that you and I would be up to our elbows in baby shit. Loving our kid but totally annoyed with each other. Just getting by, you know? Waiting for the easier part where we could actually enjoy it. But… I don’t think this is so hard.” Rey bit down on her lip and looked back down at her hands as if to signal that she was done talking now. Ben saw her shoulders tense as she waited for his reply. 

“Hey,” he nudged her, waiting for her to look back up at him. 

When she did, he could see the crease between her eyebrows. And he had an intense urge to plant a kiss right there in hopes of smoothing it out. 

“I feel the same exact way,” he told her, voice soft. “I mean, it’s hard. The not sleeping is hard. And working is hard. And learning how to take care of each new thing that is going on with her is hard but… you and Hope make it so I don’t care.” 

And with that Rey threw her arms around him and burrowed into his chest. She inhaled his smell, and realized she’d begun to associate the smell of his laundry detergent and deodorant and… just him with being happy and calm. 

That should have been her second warning. 

“So, since you brought it up,” Rey could hear the smile in Ben’s voice. “We have to talk about The Heart Awakens.” 

Rey pulled out of his arms, her cheeks turning red as she returned to the dishes. 

“What do you want to talk about?” she asked. “Having trouble sounding some of the bigger words out?” 

Ben laughed. 

“You’re a dick,” he hip checked her gently. “I was more talking about how overwhelmingly Team Kira I am and how annoyed I am that he’s _totally_ going to end up with Daisy. Is that why you were trying to keep it from me? Because you knew I’d hate the ending.” 

“What makes you think he’ll end up with Daisy?” Rey asked, her face blank. 

Ben rolled his eyes. Rey was a total Spoiler-phobe. You were not allowed to talk about Killing Eve until she’d seen the new one. She didn’t even like hearing if you thought it was a good or bad episode! And she applied the same rigorous plot detail avoidance if she’d seen something you hadn’t. 

“Because, she’s the good girl and they haven’t slept together yet,” Ben pointed out. “And he and Kira have fucked already. And when there’s a love triangle, it’s always the one that you don’t fuck until you _love_ that you end up with. Plus, they’re bonded. That can’t just go away.” 

“So you don’t want Kylo Ren to fall in love?” she asked, focusing on a particularly stubborn water stain on one of his champagne flutes. 

“That’s not fair,” Ben objected. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying that he has fun with Kira. They’re on the same page. Daisy is always trying to make him a better person. She’s a buzzkill.” 

“She’s responsible,” Rey argued, handing him the pristine flute to dry a little more roughly than she needed to. “Kylo would literally die without her help. The work she does on his ship, his weapons. The way she trains him and teaches him how to use his powers.” 

“I like the way Kira teaches,” Ben quipped. 

“Of course you do,” Rey rolled her eyes, positive he was referring to the _let me motivate you to use your superpowers via blowjob_ scene. Not necessarily one of Skye Walker’s finest moments. 

“And Daisy’s not that bad,” Ben conceded. “She’s funny and super smart. And she’s usually right… I just. When he ends up with her, it’ll be the end.” 

“And you don’t want it to end?” Rey asked, wondering if she should tell him why she didn’t want him going anywhere near the book. She’d told herself she’d keep it a secret. But what if now was the perfect time? 

“I really don’t,” Ben smiled sheepishly. “I know it’s just a silly book full of sex and very suspicious sounding science—“ 

“I feel like it’s all pretty accurate but whatever,” Rey piped up. 

“But mostly it’s this fun, exciting, space adventure,” Ben continued, as sincere as he was embarrassed to be saying this. “I like Kylo and Kira and all the characters, really. And as long as he keeps Daisy at a distance, it means there’s more story…” 

“But stories have to end, right?” Rey asked, turning to look at Ben who had been drying the champagne flute for much longer than was necessary. 

Her gaze flicked up from his huge hands and the way they handled the delicate glassware so carefully to his eyes. In the afternoon light in the kitchen she could really see the gold in them. Hope’s eyes were the same way. Like honey. She felt her breath hitch. 

Ben’s mouth opened like he was going to say something and Rey felt herself hold her breath in anticipation. 

Even though she told herself that this was silly. 

That they were just friends discussing a book. 

That should have been her third warning. 

Ben shut his mouth, like he’d thought better of whatever it is he was going to say. He cleared his throat and his eyes darted around to look at the dishes, at the clock behind her head, everywhere but at her. 

“I’m gonna go check on Hope,” he blurted out, turning around and rushing to her bedroom. 

Leaving Rey standing there wondering why she’d felt like she missed out on something. And why she felt the sudden urge to return to her erotica shelf tonight. 


	10. A Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> REY: Remember how you told me when I was pregnant that you thought there was a chance my hormones might get me all mixed up?  
REY: Like that that could happen during pregnancy OR after?  
REY: And that it could make me feel things… emotionally, that I might not feel intellectually. And those things might pass. And they might not.  
REY: But if I ever needed someone objective to, to talk about those feelings with… free of judgement. I could come to you?  
REY: Well, that’s kind of happening now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Friends! Sorry this update took so long. I got bogged down figuring out how to work from home in these strange times. Also, this chapter was suuuuuper long so it took a while to write. 
> 
> This chapter shows both our heroes getting really horny and making some rather questionable choices. If you've been mad at this story's Ben you might want to check the notes at the bottom of this chapter for a bit of a warning/apology. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has commented, given kudos, bookmarked, and subscribed. It really does mean the world to me.
> 
> Also here is a [moodboard](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EUuKmBPUEAE0FkR?format=jpg&name=small) made by [curiousniffin](https://twitter.com/curiousniffin) that I absolutely adore!

Rose answered the door with the most composed and least prying look on her face she could manage— which Rey appreciated. But given the desperate text she’d sent and the lump forming in her throat, any beating around the bush was a formality. They both knew why she was here.

Rey held up the 14 dollar bottle of wine— splurge!— she’d picked up at the fancy grocery store by her office and gave her friend a smile she knew looked more like a grimace.

“Red’s okay?” Rey heard her voice break on the last word and suddenly the floodgates were open.

“Yeah, babe,” Rose murmured, pulling Rey into her arms just as she started to cry.

“Hux isn’t here, right?” Rey tried her best not to get snot on Rose’s sweater, which seemed like cashmere.

“He’s wearing noise canceling headphones and playing Zelda while the kids sleep, so basically he’s gone.”

“Thank God.”

***

**ONE WEEK BEFORE**

_It was hard to focus on anything but the rivulets of rain running down his throat and below the tiny portion of his chest she could see above the straining buttons of his white dress shirt. _

_He was here. Charlie was here._

_“I know you don’t want to talk to me right now,” Charlie spoke quickly, like he was worried she’d slam the door in his face. “But please hear me out. Hear me out and if you never want to see me again, I’ll leave you alone. I swear.” _

_But he was wrong. She did want to see him. She was elated that he’d appeared on her doorstep in the middle of most rain the desert had seen in months. All she had been thinking about lately was proximity to his lips and here they were. _

_Unable to speak, she just nodded. An invitation for him to go on. _

_He pursed his lips, clearly reading her silence as stoniness. The rage of a person who could barely stand the sight of someone. Not the inability to speak of someone who thought she’d never see the love of her life again. _

_“You’re the… best reporter… I’ve ever met,” he said between pants and gulps of air._

_It was only just now she realized he was out of breath. His cheeks were flushed and his chest heaved. _

_“Did you run here?” she blurted out, breaking her silence. _

_“I— yeah,” he looked shocked she’d actually spoken to him. He huffed a little laugh and grinned at her. _

_“All the way from my apartment, actually,” he scratched the back of his neck, sheepish. A gesture that had always given her butterflies. Seeing a man as big as him act intimidated around her… humble. It set a kind of fire inside her she’d never known how to control. _

_“Dana, I’m so sorry,” he told her, his voice barely more than a whisper and rich with emotion. “I have loved you since I met you. I just didn’t know that’s what it was until now. I just hope it’s not too late. That I didn’t fuck all this—“_

_She couldn’t listen to him flounder for one more second. She dove at him in a gesture that was admittedly unladylike and aggressive. But who cared? It’s not like anyone was there to see. _

_She crashed her lips into his. She could taste the cigarette he’d smoked at home. And the coffee he’d chased it with. It made her want to laugh because he’d promised them all a week ago he’d finally quit. _

_“Fuck,” he murmured against her lips. “I love you so much, Dana.” _

_“I love you too, _Ben_,” _

Shit. 

That was NOT what it said. 

Rey was supposed to be reading about Charlie and Dana. And their triumphant and emotional reunion. She was _supposed _to be fully immersed in this elicit affair between an editor and his best reporter turning into true love. 

But instead of seeing Dana’s adorable freckles and penchant for cardigans or Charlie’s gorgeous blonde hair and perfect smile… she was seeing. Someone else. 

Someone she shouldn’t be thinking about this way. 

Someone who couldn’t run to her apartment and get soaked by the rain because they lived in the _same fucking building. _

“It’s hormones,” she reminded herself out loud. “It’s natural to get your wires crossed. Usually, when you have a baby with a guy you love… it’s because you’re _in_ love. But this isn’t like that.” 

Except it had been for one night. 

_“I like your mouth,_”she remembered him whispering against her lips. “_Your freckles, your eyes, your neck, your tits… there’s not much I don’t like.” _

Had he meant that? Or did he just say it? 

He didn’t have to say it. 

They didn’t have to do any of the things they’d done that night. 

But they did. 

Which meant… he must have wanted to at least a little bit. 

Maybe he’d want that again. Maybe it was normal for her to want it again. Maybe they… _could _again. 

“Shit,” Rey groaned, reaching for her vibrator. 

***

_Why had there only been one bed? _

_ And hadn’t they started off on opposite sides? Kylo had distinctly remembered falling asleep on the edge of the bed. Practically falling off of it, really. All to avoid touching her after their fight last night. _

_ In his defense, it’s a little tough to do the whole “Quick! Pretend You’re a Couple” gambit with someone who hates your guts. Even if she does have a nice smile. _

_ It was rare the Kylo let himself imagine what it would have been like if he and Daisy had met differently. For starters, she’d probably stop making fun of him for being a sex-crazed maniac. _

_ And to be fair, their telepathic bond began under less than ideal circumstances. It’s easy to understand where she might have gotten the wrong impression. Because before Kira his life had been decidedly less sexual. And much more lonely. _

_ And then she’d showed up and she’d wanted him. _

_ And he’d finally felt like he was _worth _wanting. _

_ So, yeah, he was leaning into it. Because who knew how much longer someone like her was going to want him? Especially when his own bondmate didn’t even seem to _like _him let alone want something more with him. _

_ Despite not being one for self reflection, Kylo managed to have all of these thoughts within one second of waking up nose to nose with Daisy, their legs tangled together and her delicate breaths tickling the skin of his bare chest. _

_ He’d never slept with a girl like this. Never woken up to someone in his arms, bathed in starlight, pink lips parted slightly as she snored gently. Daisy’s body was so warm next to his, so soft, so…_

_ …pressed up against his erection. _

_Almost on cue, Daisy opened her eyes. Kylo froze, trying not to delight in the delicious pressure of her shifting against him as she woke. Maybe she wouldn’t notice. Maybe he could angle his hips just so and—_

Before Ben could find out if Kylo managed to hide his potentially plot-altering boner, Hope gurgled awake in her bassinet. If anyone else on earth had interrupted him, he would have been annoyed. But since it was his favorite person on earth, it was easy to make an exception. 

“Hungry, Jellybean?”

She gurgled back at him and he couldn’t help but laugh at her sweet face. She was perfect. A miracle. 

“Starving?” he asked, faux-shocked. “Well, we gotta fix that don’t we?” 

She giggled back at him, not understanding a word. But Ben didn’t care. He loved talking to her, playing with her, doing anything that might make her smile. 

“Once we get you fed, we’re gonna text Mommy about the book she gave Daddy,” he told Hope in a businesslike voice. “Because Kylo Ren is about to make a HUGE mistake and I’m probably about to get very mad at him. And since your mother leant me the book, _she _gets to hear me vent. Isn’t that fun?” 

Hope blew a raspberry at him and Ben laughed hysterically as he reached for his phone. 

“Think you can do that one more time for the camera?” 

***

**REY: Hey Friend do you have a sec?**

**ROSE: For you?**

**ROSE: Yes.**

**ROSE: For literally any other person outside of my immediate family? **

**ROSE: No. **

**ROSE: (okay probably some people if they’re like… really in trouble or going through it or whatever)**

**ROSE: You should talk now, you’re wasting valuable time that my kids aren’t screaming during. **

**REY: Okay, cool!**

**REY: Well**

**ROSE: This century Rey. **

**REY: fuck okay**

**REY: Remember how you told me when I was pregnant that you thought there was a chance my hormones might get me all mixed up? **

**REY: Like that that could happen during pregnancy OR after? **

**REY: And that it could make me feel things… emotionally, that I might not feel intellectually. And those things might pass. And they might not. **

**REY: But if I ever needed someone objective to, to talk about those feelings with… free of judgement. I could come to you? **

**REY: Well, that’s kind of happening now. **

**REY: Not even seriously… just like… a dream or two. And a couple charged moments. **

**REY: Ugh, charged moments? I sound like a bad romance novel. **

**REY: Which I’ve been reading a lot of lately. **

**REY: Well, it’s unfair to call them bad. They’re good. **

**REY: I mean they’re not War and Peace but they are what they are. **

**REY: Anyways that’s not the point. **

**REY: Umm are you still there? **

**REY: Okay, gonna assume you put your phone down and that I haven’t horrified you into silence. **

**REY: Because this is a very small deal**

**REY: And I’m only coming to you for advice because of what you said…**

**REY: Look, it’s not even a big deal. It’s just that he’s really handsome. He’s a handsome guy. **

**REY: Like, I can say that about a friend. He’s hot. **

**REY: A lot of our friends are hot. **

**REY: Like Kay and Phas and You**

**REY: All hot!**

**REY: Poe is too extra**

**REY: Finn is literally my brother. **

**REY: And Armie is…**

**REY: Not my type. **

**REY: But like, I can admit they’re all attractive. I just… Ben is like… exactly my type. **

**REY: Maybe that’s it. Like my hormones have decided he’s like this New Person. A person it’s okay to have Thoughts about… you know? **

**REY: And like I have the thoughts and then I shut them down. **

**REY: Like I let my brain know that’s not a Thought To Have About Ben. **

**REY: And then it goes away. **

**REY: Most of the time. **

**REY: But sometime it sticks around like a song stuck in my head, you know. But instead of hearing Shake It Off on a loop in my head I’m just thinking about his handsand how big they are and how good they felt that night and then I brush it off. But he’s always AROUND so it’s not like I can keep the thought away for that long!**

**REY: And I just feel crazy!**

**REY: Shit. **

“Fuck!” Rey whisper screamed, tossing her phone on her laundry chair (something she thought she’d stop having when she became a real adult) and covering her face with her hands. 

She was NOT supposed to tell anyone about that night. Stupid, stupid, STUPID Rey. Now Rose was going to ask what that meant. And she was going to have to lie and make up some night where something happened… or she was going to have to tell the truth. 

And break Ben’s trust. 

Because they had promised they’d never talk about it. 

They didn’t even talk about it with EACH OTHER. 

And Rey’s wasn’t great at keeping secrets. 

Clearly. 

Except for one other one but that was because she’d put it in a little box in the corner of her mind that she didn’t really let herself visit. Because that one felt like it belonged to another person. A different person. 

And now Hope was crying. And there wasn’t time to think about this secret. Or any other secret. Or anything really. 

It was just time to take care of her daughter. 

And as she picked up her small, pink, wailing little girl and held her close to her chest… the other stuff felt a little but further away. 

“It’s okay, baby,” Rey whispered, rocking her until she quieted down. “I’m here.” 

The next morning Rey woke up to a few texts from Rose and roughly a dozen photos of Hux. 

**ROSE: I’M SO SORRY I FELL ASLEEP IN MY BATHTUB THANKS TO THE RARE MOMENT OF SILENCE**

**ROSE: 1. WHAT NIGHT?????**

**ROSE: 2. You need to come over as ASAP as possible and we need to drink some wine and do some girl talk. **

**ROSE: 3. You should know that you’re allowed to talk to Ben about this stuff. The upside of him being as sex-positive-bordering-on-slutty as he is: he’d understand if you were feeling extra horny (ESPECIALLY IF THERE WAS SOME KIND OF NIGHT BETWEEN YOU TWO WHERE SOMETHING HAPPENED OR ALMOST HAPPENED AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME IN WHICH CASE I WOULD DISOWN YOU UNLESS YOU TOLD ME SOON AND I GOT EVERY DETAL)**

**ROSE: 4. Stop freaking out. You’re allowed to have feelings. We’ll sort them out when we talk. **

**ROSE: 5. My husband is super hot and I don’t care if you agree or not! **

**ROSE: JUST LOOK AT HIM!!!**

***

On some level— on _most _levels, really. Ben knew it was wrong to bring The Heart Awakens to work and to read it before his meeting. But in his _defense_ he had gotten to a really fucking good part and he wanted to know what happened next. 

Kylo Ren’s plot altering boner _had _been discovered by Daisy. And she was totally giving him shit about it— just like he assumed she would. But it was oddly… hot? 

And Ben really wanted to have sexual thoughts about someone who _wasn’t_ Rey. Even if it meant lusting after a green alien… and possibly a spunky, ball busting mechanic. Even though his mind _really _didn't want to go there. Because Rey had chosen "Daisy" as her alias that night for a reason. She must identify with this character somehow. And if Ben was crushing on her, didn't that mean he was also crushing on Rey? And wasn't the whole point of reading these stupid books to NOT think about her? 

Ben stared down at the book accusatorially. Willing himself to push it aside and re-install tinder on this phone. But it called to him. He had to know what happened next. 

_“I’m confused,” Daisy murmured, carding her fingers through Kylo’s hair. It was the closest she’d ever been to him. The most she’d ever touched him. And he wished he could say he didn’t like it._

_“What’s—“ Kylo started but his voice broke embarrassingly. _

_Daisy smirked at him and Kylo wished he could melt right into the mattress because this had to be the most humiliating moment of his life. But another part of him also desperately wished that she would keep looking at him like this for the rest of eternity. Because it made him practically buzz with excitement. _

_“What’s so confusing?” he asked, managing to sound a bit more casual the second time around. Like he wasn’t desperate to know every single though inside her mind. _

_Because she hadn’t moved away from him. _

_In fact, she’d moved closer. _

_“I thought I was _boring,” _she practically whispered, making him strain to listen to her._

“A buzzkill,” _Daisy continued, her eyes sparking with anger as she leaned in so close their lips almost touched. “I _thought _you could _never _be interested in me. Did I mishear you?” _

_“I— uhh, umm” Kylo stuttered, knowing he had walked right into a trap he should be chewing his arm off to escape. But for some reason staying sounded unbelievably good. _

_“Or…” she paused, reveling in his discomfort. “Were you _wrong_?” _

_On that last word, Daisy rolled her hips into Kylo’s. And he shuddered at the feeling of her warm center grinding against his painful erection. _

_“Because if you admitted you were wrong… maybe—“_

“Ben, you’re early,” Amilyn Holdo’s voice— his _boss’s _voice— brought him hurtling back to reality. He looked up, slamming his book shut and shoving it under the table like the guilty son of a bitch he was only to find two women staring back at him. The first, being Amilyn who seemed a bit delighted to have caught him off guard for once. The other, was an absolutely stunning woman with dark hair and cheekbones that could cut glass. 

**REY: Hey! Could we maybe hang out tonight? I know I’m on Hope Duty tonight but I was hoping we could talk about some stuff. **

**REY: Nothing scary! Just want to catch up. **

**REY: Oh! The cereal pitch is today, isn’t it? Good luck!**

Her name is Bazine and she worked for First Order Foods— an empire of snacks, cereals, crackers, cakes, you name it. And for some reason she was deigning to meet with Resistance about diversifying their PR portfolio. 

She was also smart as a whip, funny, and decisive. And for some reason, Ben couldn’t stop falling over his feet in front of her. A woman hadn’t made him nervous in years. And here he was accidentally tripping over chords and nearly ruining Poe’s power point presentation. 

The only thing of note he managed to say during their entire meeting was when the idea of a branded partnership with a kids’ show came up. Maybe cross promote some of their snacks by doing ads and packaging with the characters. 

“What’s the kids show with the little circles?” she asked, snapping her fingers. “Jesus, it’s on the tip of my tongue.” 

“Roll Out,” Ben answered without hesitation. 

Bazine looked at him for a moment, letting her eyes drag over him appraisingly. 

“Thanks,” she smiled. 

After the pitch wrapped up, there was handshaking and smiling and promises to “circle back soon.” When he touched her hand, he felt a buzzing sensation throughout his entire body. There were definite sparks. 

So when he lingered, taking a little too long to get his things together, he was happy to see that she did the same. 

“I’ll see myself out, thanks,” Bazine told Holdo when she offered to walk her out. “Or… Ben can show me, right?” 

“Happy to,” he practically fell over himself to answer. 

“See you soon, then,” Amilyn shut the door, giving Ben a sharp look— _don’t fuck this up for us. _

“So… Roll Out?” Bazine mused. “Thanks for the save.” 

“You would have gotten it on your own,” Ben assured her. “You a big cartoon enthusiast?” 

“Hardly,” she wrinkled her nose. “My assistant’s kid loves it. And my nephew is the same age so every once in a while I just ask Janice what her little guy is into, buy two if it, and give one to her and send the other to my nephew. And just like that, I no longer look like Sandra Bullock in the Proposal.” 

Ben raised an eyebrow. 

“Sorry, I only speak kid’s cartoons, not chick flicks,” he teased, feeling some of his confidence starting to come back. He still had it. 

“Great job, tight ponytail, no soul,” Bazine described. “A very flattering picture of a single career woman.” 

“So you don’t have a soul?” Ben asked, interested in her directness. 

“I have a soul,” she shrugged. “My soul just doesn’t care about kids.” 

“I have a kid,” Ben told her, knowing better than to hide it. “Is that a deal breaker?” 

Bazine just smirked at him. 

“Depends on the deal.”

***

**REY: Hey! Hope the presentation went well!**

**REY: If I’m doing my math you should be getting to a certain scene in THA that we MUST discuss.**

**BEN: Hey! Sorry for not answering your texts from before.**

**BEN: I am actually NOT reading because I’m actually— drumroll…**

**BEN: HAVING SEX WITH A WOMAN**

**BEN: Like A REAL FLESH AND BLOOD WOMAN NOT JUST FANTASIZING ABOUT KIRA THE ALIEN **

**BEN: I’m not literally having sex with her right now, she took a water break.**

**BEN: But I think the dry spell is officially over!**

**BEN: And I think I like… actually want to get a meal with her after I fuck her brains out a few more times**

**REY: Holy shit**

**REY: congrats **

**BEN: Yeah! I’ll see you in the morning to pick up Hope! **

**BEN: Let me know when you’re free to hang out, like you wanted! ** ****

***

Rey told Rose everything. And Rose did an admirable job pretending not to freak the fuck out when Rey told her she and Ben had had sex to conceive Hope. Her eyes nearly bulged out of her skull but she managed to keep from squealing which Rey appreciated. 

“And lately, I just can’t stop thinking about him… like that,” Rey explained while Rose poured her a second glass. 

“And that’s a problem because..?” Rose replied. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...hey. So yeah, Ben has a new love interest. Rey will get one soon as well. This is a Friends Wtih Kids AU and that is what happens in the movie. But you know what else happens in that movie... A HEA :)
> 
> You can also follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cinemariel)!


	11. A Problem On Multiple Levels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previously on The Romantic Part: Ben's pent up erotica induced horniness lead him to ask out Bazine Netal, a woman his company is working for. He told Rey who was also horny but mostly just confused about the fact that she can't stop thinking about her best friend/baby's daddy. Luckily, Rey has come to the one, the only Rose Tico to talk it out.

“It’s a problem on multiple levels,” Rey whined, shoving her face into her hands. “It’s _Ben._” 

“You’re going to have to elaborate, babe,” Rose quipped, clearly well on her way to being wine drunk.

“Okay, first off, he’s my best friend,” Rey shot back at her with a grimace. 

“And are we throwing that in the pro column or the con column?” Rose asked, eyebrows raised. 

“Are you seriously acting like you’re neutral on this topic?” Rey whined. “Like you don’t have an _opinion_.”

“I do have an opinion,” Rose admitted. “But it’s secondary to how you _feel.” _

Rey let those words strike her. They weren’t what she wanted to hear. She had _wanted _Rose to solve it all for her. To talk her out of the feelings because it’s _Ben. _Ben who had the worst haircut any of them had ever seen at the top of Freshman year. Ben who gets really dancey if their edibles are anything but indica and therefore must be avoided at all costs because he gets really free with his limbs, and is thus, a hazard. Ben who had spent like a decade solidly in the best friends column with no issues and therefore must belong there. 

“I don’t want to tell you how to feel,” Rose continued, giving Rey a nudge in the ribs that was maybe a little too hard. “I want to help you deal with how you’re actually feeling.” 

“Hmmm,” Rey nodded, attempting to bide her time. 

Because how _did _she feel? Really.

“I’m thinking about that night… a lot,” she admitted, trying to chose her words carefully.

Because a random memory had just hit her like a freight train. There was this girl Jessika Pava who had followed Ben around like a puppy dog for half of sophomore year. They were neighbors and Ben had liked her plenty as a friend and seemed to have no idea she wanted more. He had this way of being oblivious to stuff like that but Rey could always tell when a girl was pining for him. 

Well, eventually her crush got too obvious for even him to ignore and they hooked up… on February 12th. 

Rey remembered the look on his face when he got the “_any valentine’s plans?_” text from her the next day. He looked like he had seen a ghost. Because to him, it had just been a night of fun between friends. Rey had considered running to find him a paper bag to breathe into because he was spiraling at the thought that he had hurt someone, that he’d mislead her, that he would now have to search for the right combination of words to let her down gently. 

After that, Rey knew Ben had always made a point not to hook up with friends. Or even people he was _friendly_ with. He drew a line. 

_A line I made him cross,_ she couldn’t help but think to herself. 

“If I were to ask you how the sex was…” Rose trailed off and let her teeth sink into her bottom lip as she watched nervously. 

Rey looked back at her friend, trying to put it into words. Was it the best sex Rey had ever had? Possibly. But it wasn’t as if it were a high bar. There had only been a handful of guys and the only one who’d really lasted was Mitaka. And with the way he’d gaslit her, she didn’t really know how to feel about their time together. She often found it best not to think about it. 

For quite a few years, that what sex had been to Rey. 

Something she probably shouldn’t think about. 

But Ben had changed that. 

And maybe it was intimacy. Maybe it was when he’d whispered to her that she was perfect. Maybe it was the look in his eye when he’d realized she wanted a third finger— the determination that turned to pride as he’d wrung her first orgasm of the night out of her. 

Or maybe it was just that he was the only person Rey had ever slept with that she was certain she’d still want to talk to in a year. 

“Wow,” Rose murmured, taking in her expression. “That good.” 

“It was different,” Rey answered. 

“So Erika from our hall wasn’t lying when she said he was packing serious heat?” Rose pressed her, leaning forward eagerly. 

“That’s the father of my child!” Rey squealed shoving her face into her hands. 

“Sorry,” Rose cried, patting her back lightly. “It’s hard to know where the line is here!”

“But that’s just it,” Rey sat up so she could look Rose in the eye. “He’s _the father of my child_. And no matter how I feel, and no matter what those feelings mean, telling him about them would change everything. It would risk changing Hope’s life. She could go from two amicable co-parents to two people who can’t even stand to be in the same room together.”

Ben and Rey had run into Jessika at the movies about three years ago. She was on what looked like a miserable first date. Rey remembered the pained smile Jessika had plastered on her face as she introduced her date who was wearing flip flops in November. She remembered having to carry the entire conversation because Ben could barely speak a word he got so uncomfortable. 

When she’d asked him later that night why it had been so hard for him to talk to her he’d said it was because he felt guilty for hurting her. That looking at her made him feel like a bad person. 

“I feel like you’re talking around a pretty big option,” Rose offered as gently as she knew how. “What if, somehow, Hope had two co-parents that were in a romantic relationship… together… with each other… Rey, do you see what I’m doing here?” 

Would she ever have thought about Jessika if they hadn’t run into her five years ago? Maybe she would have, in school Jessika always seemed awesome. Super outspoken and smart— in all sorts of clubs. But now when Rey thought of her she could only picture her as the woman with the embarrassing run in with Ben. Seeing her be struck by the surprise of experiencing a singular emotion: remembering what it’s like to see Ben and _know _you can’t have him. That he’d fuck _anything. _Just not you. 

And maybe this was all just because that was a unique kind of shame Rey wasn’t sure if she could live with having. 

Because what if Rey did want it? 

And what if she asked him? 

And what if he told her that he wasn’t interested? That while the sex might have been meaningful to her, it wasn’t to him. That while spending all this time in close and intimate proximity he had always felt absolutely certain that they were nothing more than close friends and co-parents… 

_“But Rey, you wanted something else?”_

Rey could practically see the expression on Ben’s face. The disbelief, the guilt, but worst of all was the secondhand embarrassment. The mere idea of this reaction— even if it was just one Rey was just imagining— was enough to turn her stomach. She couldn’t be pitied. 

She wouldn’t. 

“Rey?” Rose asked, making Rey realize she’d been processing all of this silently. And that she was probably making an embarrassingly zoned out face. 

“We basically _are_ a two parent household,” Rey explained. “A two parent household that lives in two different apartments but.— for a while, with Ben so dedicated to Hope and to me and to making this all work. It felt like we were…” 

“A family,” Rose finished. 

Rey sniffed, unable to say anything else. 

“But you _are _a family,” Rose insisted. “You know it would kill Ben to hear you say otherwise. He loves you and Hope so much.” 

“And usually when a mother and father are in love…” Rey took a deep breath, trying to stave off more tears. “I just. I thought I could do this non-traditional thing. I thought I could be progressive and feminist and—“ 

“Honey,” Rose pulled Rey close to her chest and stroked her hair. Rey just lay there for a while, listening to Rose’s heart thud against her cheek. She slowed her breathing to match her friend’s and tried to revel in the fact that she was loved. That she was not being abandoned. That she had people. 

“You can’t share all this shit with someone and not get confused,” Rose consoled her softly. “Honestly, I’ve kind of been waiting for this to happen.” 

“Showoff,” Rey grumbled, poking her in the side. 

“Not in a shitty way,” Rose insisted. “But… this was always going to be complicated. And Ben, who I _love_, can sometimes be an obtuse horny robot when it comes to situations that involve both sex _and _emotion.” 

Rey snorted and sat up, pulling back so she could see Rose’s face. 

“He is an idiot, isn’t he?” Rey joked. 

“Fingers crossed Hope gets your emotional intelligence,” Rose teased. “Plus, his dick’s probably like _too _big, right?” 

“Stop fishing,” Rey ordered. 

“I will,” Rose conceded. “On one condition.” 

Rey really didn’t like the glint in her friend’s eye. 

“Why do I feel like I’d rather let you keep asking about Ben’s big dick?” Rey asked, warily. 

“I _knew _it,” Rose raised her glass and almost completely ruined her beige couch in the process. “But what I want is even more important than to continue making jokes about our well endowed friend. Let me set you up with someone.” 

Rey opened her mouth but Rose kept going. 

“And don’t give me an excuse,” Rose told her fiercely. “Because if you have mental space to have weird confusing feelings for Ben but don’t want to _act _on them, the best thing you could possibly do would be to get under someone new. To feel like the beautiful, impressive, single woman that you are and let someone buy you an overly expensive cocktail while you wear a something you absolutely could not wear without Spanx. It’s what you deserve.” 

“Do you have anyone in mind?” Rey asked. 

“I have roughly six men in mind,” Rose answered honestly. 

“Anyone you think I might like?” Rey pressed her, still unconvinced. 

“I have a good feeling about like two of them.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Gang, sorry for such a short update but I've had this written for a while and have been nitpicking over it and trying to make it better at every turn and it's largely stayed the same. So rather than continue to hold it hostage, I decided to just put it out there into the world. To everyone who's commented and/or asked for updates, thank you so much-- you're too kind!


	12. Apology Tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because she couldn’t say “Because I’ve been fantasizing about you railing me and no matter how hot and exciting it would be to try and explore that with you, I know we have to put our kid first. So the least you could do for me would be to not make me picture another girl getting what I’ve been wanting for months. Possibly years if I’m being totally honest with myself.”
> 
> So she kept her gaze on his forehead. On the wrinkles she’d created there by asking him to change a pattern of behavior that had never really bothered her before. By admitting the thing that neither of them had been able to say out loud until now.
> 
> That something had changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Gang, long time no update! When we last left our heroes, Ben had just met a new girl and Rey was forcing herself into denial about her feelings for him. 
> 
> Content Warnings For This Chapter:  
Lots of people saying they're sorry unnecessarily  
Baby Poo and Puke  
A New Love Interest for Rey  
Lots of Jealousy Brewing

”And then we ordered in from the _best _bagel place,” Ben was now on minute 9 of his play by play of his night with the one, the only, the magnificent Bazine. “And seriously, Rey. It was the best bagel I’ve ever had. Almost better than the sex. I mean not really but… the fact that there’s even competition—“ 

Rey’s stomach gurgled sympathetically. She could go for a bagel right now. Or a full birthday cake. Maybe an entire bucket of KFC, too. Maybe she could burry her feelings for Ben under a mountain of empty calories. 

No.

She refused to feel like Katherine Heigel in… every movie she’d ever been in. She opened her mouth to interrupt Ben’s monologue just in time for him to stop short, looking stricken. 

“Doll, I’m sorry,” Ben covered his mouth and for a second, Rey thought he was maybe about to apologize for the ultimate taboo: bragging about your new sexy relationship to a terminally single person. 

Appreciation and fury exploded inside her. Contradictory and acidic. Obviously Ben didn’t have the slightest idea how jealous she was of this new woman. How could he have known that the second Rey saw the LinkedIn profile photo Ben had showed her— _Baz, doesn’t believe in Facebook—_ she’d see red? But it practically set her teeth on edge, imagining Ben’s arms circling around this woman’s upsettingly tiny waist in a possessive hold. Like a dragon with a pile of sparkling, gold, treasure. 

But then came the immediate contradiction. Her conscience rearing it’s all too reasonable head. _Rey, he has no idea how you feel. He would never hurt you, never try to rub this in your face. He’s just excited. And look— he realizes that he’s gone on way too long and—_

“I totally should have had her order you a bagel too,” he smacked himself in the head and laughed at his lack of thought. 

Rey’s hands clenched into fists. 

Really?

It was the fucking _bagels _he felt bad about? 

Not the fact that he was bragging about a new hookup to someone who hadn’t seen any action in over a YEAR?

“Next time, I swear,” Ben promised with a grin. “Jesus, look at me. When’s the last time you heard me say next time about a girl? I swear—“ 

“You know?” Rey cut him off, guilt churning inside of her as she did it. “I think I’ve hit my limit.” 

Ben looked like Rey had just dumped a cooler full of ice cold water on his head. And to be fair to him, she had perhaps done the conversational equivalent of that. She just knew that she couldn’t take another second of hearing about this other girl. Of feeding the green monster of jealousy she was supposed to be chucking in a potato sack and throwing into the river. 

“Sorry,” Rey winced as the apology slid out of her mouth almost reflexively. “I just… I don’t think I want to be hearing about this.” 

Ben nodded robotically. The poor guy looked like he was struggling to process the words she’d just said. 

“Of course,” he kept nodding, a wounded look of apology on his face. Rey braced herself for the Ben Solo apology tour. 

Step One: The Showing of the Belly. Ben kept nodding, looking at her like she was a teacher who’d just scolded him right in front of the whole class for talking during silent reading period. The guilt and embarrassment mingled… making him look like a 6 foot 3 fourth grader. 

“Ben,” Rey sighed. “It’s okay…” 

“Not if it upsets you,” Ben corrected before heading to Step Two: Identifying the Grievance. “I just… do you mind if I ask what— I mean, we always talk like this.” 

“I know,” Rey nodded, shifting her gaze from his eyes to his forehead— a trick she’d learned from The Americans. Of course, Rey wasn’t a Russian spy facing interrogation but… something about creating the distance helped. Well, that and thinking about Matthew Rhys. 

Because she couldn’t say _“Because I’ve been fantasizing about you railing me and no matter how hot and exciting it would be to try and explore that with you, I know we have to put our kid first. So the least you could do for me would be to not make me picture another girl getting what I’ve been wanting for months. Possibly years if I’m being totally honest with myself.”_

So she kept her gaze on his forehead. On the wrinkles she’d created there by asking him to change a pattern of behavior that had never really bothered her before. By admitting the thing that neither of them had been able to say out loud until now. 

That something had changed. 

“And it’s never bothered me before,” Rey forced herself to continue. “But… I don’t know. It does now.” 

Rey could feel her cheeks, the back of her neck, hell her entire chest heating up. In a second she was sure she’d be red as a tomato. But she’d started the conversation and there was no going back. 

Ben cleared his throat loudly and thoroughly. Like he was desperate to fill the silence. Like he knew he owed her a response but he didn’t have it yet. Like maybe he could trick her into thinking he’d just gotten preoccupied with the whole… clearing of the throat thing. 

“Okay,” he went back to nodding. “I get that. I mean—“ 

He cut himself off like he’d thought better about continuing. Rey felt her heart leap up into her throat for a second. Because for one, stupid, instant she thought that maybe he’d say things had changed for him too. 

“Do you, umm,” Ben looked down at her, all the color drained from his face. “Do you want to talk about it? Talk about the not talking, I mean?” 

So there they stood. Two friends, both with the wrong amount of color in their cheeks for a conversation that had been routine for basically decade of their relationship. 

“Not really,” Rey admitted, chickening out fully. 

But instead she was met with Step Three of the Ben Solo Apology Tour. The Full Apology. The promise to do better. The contract he would will himself not to break again. 

“Okay,” he nodded some more. “Well, I’m sorry for… going on for so long about that stuff. I’ll cool it.” 

“Maybe just for a bit,” Rey mumbled, pressing her hand against the cool tile of her kitchen island in an attempt to leech some of the heat from her skin. “But uh, do you and Hope have any exciting plans today?” 

Ben froze for a moment. Like he wasn’t entirely ready for the conversation to change gears. And for a second, Rey wondered if they were about to start all over again at Step One— if they were caught in some kind of infinite apology loop where this agonizing conversation would never end? But then her words seemed to sink in and he grinned at her. 

Any and all awkwardness forgotten. Because if there was one thing about Ben, he always rebounded quickly. 

“Yeah,” he answered wryly. “I’m taking her parasailing. You’re cool with that, right?” 

Rey threw back her head and laughed, all the tension disappearing from her shoulders. 

**REY: Hey, you’re cool with no one meeting Hope until it’s serious, right?**

**BEN: Are you talking about modeling agents? Because I was mostly joking about her being perfect for print ads. **

**REY: lol**

**REY: No. I meant… your new girl. Any girl, really. I’m not comfortable with our kid meeting anyone who might not stick around. **

**BEN: Totally. **

**BEN: Just. **

**BEN: Yes. The answer is yes. Hope won’t meet anyone until you’re ready for her to meet them.**

**BEN: But she doesn’t even have object permanence yet. CAN she technically meet anyone? **

**REY: I get it. But it sets a precedent. Can we just say that no one meets Hope until we clear it with each other and agree its serious?**

**BEN: Of course. **

**BEN: She’s a total bitch to all newcomers anyway. **

**REY: I see it as a cool power move. **

**BEN: Oh no I totally respect it. If anything I think she could stand to inspire fear in more of the people she meets. **

**REY: noblesse oblige, bro**

**BEN: I can’t believe I had to google that AND you called me bro. **

**REY: l8r bro**

“Thanks so much for inviting me, Rose,” Rey began her apology for ditching as casually as she could in hopes that her friend wouldn’t realize where she was going with this. She knew better than to Irish Goodbye Rose Tico, but it had been tempting. Sitting around the preschool silent auction Rose had organized with the PTA of her kids’ new preschool had been less than thrilling— even if she had done a wonderful job with the refreshments table. 

“No, no, no,” Rose shook her head adamantly, grabbing Rey by the shoulder and dragging her over to the huge carafe of sangria parents had been getting more and more tipsy on. “You are not going.” 

“But you’re out of cheese,” Rey grumbled. “And my feet hurt in these shoes and if I go home now I can watch a New Girl before I pass out, almost _ensuring_ that I dream about Nick Miller instead of—“

“But that’s just the thing,” Rose interrupted her, eyes glinting mischievously. “If you stay a little longer I can ensure that your dreams are going to be about…” 

Just then Rose caught a glimpse of something over Rey’s shoulder and grinned wide. Rey felt her stomach drop like she was on a roller coaster. She didn't know what was about to happen but it was making her palms sweat. 

“Him,” Rose finished her thought and grabbed Rey by the shoulders spinning her around before shoving her squarely in between the shoulder blades. 

She stumbled forward and fell into a pair of strong arms. 

**BEN: CUTE PICTURE OF HOPE INCOMING**

**BEN: Do you get it! She misses her mommy! So she’s a mummy!**

**BEN: This is what we in the biz call a pun. **

**BEN: Hope you’re having a fun night!**

**BEN: Also Baz is gonna stop by once Hope’s asleep. All by the book! They won’t be meeting. Mostly because I think she’s slightly terrified of kids and might run at the sight of her. **

**BEN: Oh Jesus. Hope just did something unspeakable to her diaper that made me really regret wasting this much toilet paper. **

His name was Cassian Andor. He was an architect with two beautiful daughters and had apologized for showing Rey too many pictures of them grinning and showing off their missing teeth. 

He was mature, he seemed to actually listen to her, and he wore the fuck out of his suit. The corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled and he could make anything he spoke about sound interesting. Even zoning laws. Plus he smelled… phenomenal. To the point where Rey was starting to feel like she was a cartoon hobo smelling a pie on the windowsill, capable of levitation— if only it meant she’d get to be a little closer. 

And judging by the not so subtle glares she was getting from other women in the room, she wasn’t the only one who wanted a bite. 

“Your taste is impeccable,” he took her hand, and trained his gorgeous brown eyes on her. Like it was just so important he impress upon her that he believed what he was saying. That it wasn’t just talk. And… unlike most compliments Rey received, she actually believed this one. “Honestly, Rose started forwarding me your book newsletter last year and I haven’t read something you haven’t given your seal of approval ever since.” 

“Thank you,” Rey lowered he gaze, feeling her cheeks heat up. “Any chance you’ll write a letter to my boss telling him exactly that.” 

“Done,” He replied a little too quickly, his eyes alight. But eagerness looked good on him. No one had been eager for attention from Rey in so long. Well, no one over the age of one. “Rose told me you don’t just edit but you write as well?”

“Oh, uhh,” Rey didn’t think it was possible for her blush to deepen but she found herself immediately proven wrong. “Just a little in college…” 

“Well, I’d love to read it— them— whatever you have,” he ran a hand through his hair, seeming a bit flustered. Maybe he was rusty at flirting as well. But Rey found that hard to believe was true. 

“Oh my God no,” Rey blurted out shaking her head and regretting her last plastic cup of wine for making her so loose lipped. “Thank you. But no. I’d die of embarrassment. And you probably would too. And you seem really nice and I…” 

She felt herself a bit trapped in his gaze. Suddenly she felt aware of every pound she’d gained since Hope. The fact that she hadn’t gotten her hair cut in almost a year and it had to be scraggly. The fact that under her very cute boots, her socks didn’t match. What was someone like _him _doing looking at her like this? 

“…I wouldn’t want you to,” she finished lamely. “Die, I mean.” 

“Oh,” Cassian nodded, considering her words for a second before breaking out in a broad grin. “Well, thanks.”

**BEN: Okay do not be shocked if you come home and you can hear Hope wailing from downstairs it is just that she has been crying for what feels like forever.**

**BEN: For real it’s like she’s Hux watching Return of the King**

**BEN: And I’m sure you’ll be glad to know our daughter is a multitasker. She can cry, scream, AND have explosive diarrhea all at the same time. Which in today’s competitive job market… is really going to get her ahead. **

**BEN: Okay now don’t be shocked if you come home and I am there, wearing your pink fluffy robe. I tried the crib in your apartment, in case she likes it better now. And I think she does because she actually passed out. But not before heaving all over my make out sweater which I had put on in anticipation of Baz’s arrival. **

**BEN: She is uhh, not coming by the way. **

**BEN: Because I really can’t be seen like this. **

**BEN: Speaking of being seen. Where… are you? **

Rey’s cheeks stung from the cold air and she could see their breath making little clouds of steam as they walked and talked around Brooklyn. Rey hadn’t been out this late since before Rose was born— unless running down to the bodega in pajama pants counts as being out— and it felt good. Like college. Like being alive for herself rather than for other people. 

“I hope this doesn’t give you the wrong idea but we are just a block away from my place,” Cassian told her, his brow furrowing in worry. “Maybe you’d like to come up for one last drink?” 

She turned to him, her arm still in his. The warmth that was coming off of his body was absolutely delicious and she couldn’t imagine untangling herself and walking back to the train in the cold like this. She felt wound tight like a bowstring and for some reason she just couldn’t make do with another anticlimax. 

But still… coming up with a drink was code for sex. People didn’t make out anymore. Or at least if they did, Rey wasn’t hearing about it. What ever _happened _to making out? I mean, yeah, maybe it’s a little high school but it was nice. It was less pressure. It let you ease into something. 

Rey was pro-easing. 

She wanted something but what if things worked differently down there post-baby? What if she couldn’t get out of her head? What she went up stairs only to find out he had awful street art on his walls or really basic movie posters? Or what if it was perfect and then she had to disclose her utter shit show of a personal life and it all blew up in her face. 

“I’d really like to come up!” she blurted out, her voice way louder than it needed to be. “But you should probably know that I have a baby. There’s no guy, though. I mean there is a guy but he’s a friend. We had the baby as friends and I know that’s weird and I can answer whatever questions you want but the far more pressing thing is— I haven’t had sex since she was born and I’m still kind of learning how to be a single parent. But I think you’re really great and I would totally like to have sex with you because, I mean, look at you— God. It just might not be good because I’m probably rust—“ 

“Woah,” Cassian held a hand up. But the friendly twinkle in his eyes hadn’t yet disappeared. Rey felt something inside her chest loosen a bit. Maybe that didn’t totally scare him away. 

“Sorry,” Rey forced out with a wince before miming locking her mouth and throwing away the key. Which she instantly regretted because it was very dorky. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” he told her. “For anything. And I hope you kept that key because… I’d really like to kiss you now.” 

**BEN: Hey is Rey with you? **

**ROSE: No, she left a while ago. **

**BEN: How long ago? **

**ROSE: Ben, she left with someone. A guy. **

**BEN: Well is he a MURDERER? **

**BEN: Because Rey isn’t picking up her phone. She NEVER doesn’t pick up. **

**ROSE: Ben, when a man and woman are very attracted to each other and go back to one of their super nice rent controlled apartments with original wooden floors, they can get up to any number of things that might keep them from answering your texts about the contents of their daughter’s diaper. **

**BEN: How did you know that? **

**ROSE: I know everything. Look behind you. **

**BEN: I’m so pissed at you that that actually worked on me. **

**BEN: Sorry for bothering you. **

**ROSE: You’re never bothering me. I always have time to make fun of you. **

**BEN: Do you know this guy? Is he… not an asshole?**

**ROSE: He’s not. I swear. I think they really hit it off. Rey might be less reachable a little more often. Think you can handle that? **

**BEN: Sorry, I gotta go, Hope just started screaming again. **

A few hours later, after he’d finally gotten Hope down for good, Ben sprawled out on Rey’s tiny excuse for a couch. How had this night gone so sideways? He’d gone from an easy night in playing peekaboo and puree-ing veggies with his quiet as a whisper food processor to crying in the shower with his infant daughter, trying to get them both clean of all the various bodily fluids she’d expelled. 

And now he was alone in Rey’s apartment and afraid to even breathe too loudly, should it wake Hope up. 

He knew it wasn’t her fault things had timed out like this— that they’d both had their share of difficult nights with Hope. But usually the other one was around to pick up the slack. Those were the perks of living in the same building. 

But if they were both going to date… maybe this was going to happen more often. 

**REY: Just saw all of these texts sorry**

**REY: Everything ok? **

**REY: Can I call? **

**BEN: Yeah**

**BEN: To both! If that wasn’t clear**

“Sounds like you had quite the night,” Rey told him the second he picked up. She sounded… relaxed. Bubble Bath with a Glass of Champagne relaxed. 

“Yeah, it went a little sideways on me,” Ben admitted as loudly as he dared which is not much. 

“Are you… hiding from a serial killer or something?” Rey asked, confused. 

“Just our daughter,” Ben admitted. “If she wakes up again, I might have to call the national guard.” 

“That bad, huh?” Rey asked, and he could practically hear the little crease between her eyebrows forming. 

“No,” Ben lied, shaking his head even though she couldn’t see. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel guilty for living her life. This was the deal. All the responsibility, half the time. If this wasn't sitting well with him, that was _his _problem. “I just got worried about you. It’s not like you to…” 

“Have fun?” Rey finished the sentence for him. It was impossible not to notice the bitterness in her voice. “Well, maybe that should change.” 

“Maybe just keep the phone close by while you’re having fun,” Ben countered, trying his best to sound reasonable but knowing he fell shy of his goal when the stress leaked into his voice. He felt like a kid at a sleepover, wishing someone would come pick him up in the middle of the night because it had stopped being fun hours ago. Even though he was just a few floors away from it, he was desperate for home.

“Ben?” Rey sounded surprised, hurt even. “It’s your night. And you’re always saying I should get laid and I finally did and you’re _mad _about it?” 

“I’m not,” Ben insisted. But it sounded hollow even to him. 

“Really?” Rey asked, the word dripping in skepticism. 

“I’m sorry Doll,” Ben sighed, looking up at the cracks in Rey’s ceiling he’d never really noticed. “It was just a long night. And I got worried about you. That’s all.”

“Well, thanks,” Rey replied softly. “You know how you can make it up to me?” 

“I’m dying to,” Ben yawned, running his fingers against the fuzzy material of Rey’s robe and feeling the tension in his muscles start to disappear. 

“You can keep Hope later into tomorrow so I can have a morning after befitting someone who hasn’t had real sex in like two years,” she told him. 

Ben opened his mouth to ask if she was implying that their daughter had been conceived via fake sex but he thought better of it.

“This guy wants to take you to breakfast?” Ben asked, intrigued. Suddenly hungry for details about the guy that had just broke Rey’s dry spell. Rose didn't exactly have the best track record with setups. But something must be different about the guy if Rey had actually slept with him.

“He wants to _make _me breakfast,” Rey corrected him her smugness impossible to ignore. “And if he’s halfway as good at that as he is at what we just did, I’m going to lose my shit.”

“Well, enjoy,” Ben encouraged her, suddenly grasping at straws trying to remember the last time they’d had breakfast together. Something he’d really started to like. 

“I will,” he assured him. “You’re sure everything’s okay?” 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. Your comments mean so, so much to me. I can't even tell you. If you want to follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/cinemariel), I'm shitposting there fairly regularly. Also I've started a twitter epistolary [13 Going on 30 Reylo AU](https://twitter.com/cinemariel/status/1250953075105267712?s=20) if you want to check that out!


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